Sooooo Thanksgiving is tomorrow and everyone is in a good mood because most of us get the next two days off, we get to stuff our face, and we get to spend time with family and loved ones. I see people on Facebook writing status updates about what they are thankful for and GOD does that make me feel good, however lets be honest.....Holidays are stressful. You go over to your parents house, they ask like 2 million questions that they ask you everytime you see them. You got kids running around the house, you tell them to stop, but that only makes them run faster. As many drinks as you have you can't catch a buzz, the always awkward prayer, the even more awkward toast and so on. Don't get me wrong, the older I get the more I enjoy family time, but this is real shit, this is what actually happens. You can say you are thankful as much as you want, but the truth is you are constantly checking your phone or waiting for someone to leave first so you can follow their lead. So yes, there are pros and cons. I am lucky it is usually just my family, my sisters family and my mom and dad. When there are like 50 people I need to be heavily medicated, tons of xanex and lexapro. Just tons of non-stop action and loud talking. You all know exactly what I am talking about.
With that being said I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving. I bet most of you are at the bar by 8pm, so get back to me with how thankful you really are.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Friday, November 16, 2012
Honest Job Interview...
Everyone has a different feeling when dealing with face to face job interviews. Some it doesn't bother at all, while most of us get an extreme case of butterflies and the shits. You feel prepared, you look good, and as soon as you get called into that office it is like a switch and everything changes. Your hands become cold, your tongue gets in the way of everything you are trying to say and 30 minutes later when you walk out of that office you feel like a turd. You get into your car, call some one, they ask "Soooooooo how did it go"? Your reply no matter how bad it went is "I think it went pretty good". Lies, all f'n lies. I don't care how bad ass you think you are it has happened to all of us.
This blog isn't entirely about that though, it is about the job interview process, however I have a twist. We are so use to going to interviews and saying exactly what the possible employer wants to hear. It is all bullshit, none of what we say we actually mean, some of the words we use we don't even know the actual meaning of. It is basically a kiss ass contest to get a job.
I am going to change it up, I am going to interview myself and tell you exactly how I WANT to respond to every question I am asked.
Here we go............
Question 1
Good morning Justin how are you?
Answer:
"Well actually I am hoping to get this interview over as soon as possible because my boss at my current job thinks I am just going to lunch. So the quicker we can get this moving the better."
Question 2
What exactly do you do at your current job?
Answer
"I usually get there about 10 minutes late everyday, but when I finally get to my cubicle, I turn my computer on, log on to Facebook to see the status updates I missed from the time I went to bed until the time I got to work. Then I set my fantasy basketball lineup, read Barstool Sports Blog, go to the bathroom, talk to some people in the office, go back to my desk and think about doing some work. I usually text a few friends and try to make plans for the weekend. Then I look at my work emails, then I email my wife to see how her day is going. By around 11am I usually do something work related, but that lasts about 2 minutes before I get completely off task and get a notification on Facebook that someone "liked" my status. Then I go to get lunch for 90 minutes, come back look at more websites, email, text and drink tons of soda. Before I know it, it is 5pm and the day is over. I do that 5 days per week".
Question 3
Why do you think you are the person for the job?
Answer
"I probably am not the right choice, I am a slacker, but if you give me the job I will try and cut down my internet usage and stay on task. I want to work for your company, but only because the salary is higher and I am sick of my current job. I will probably stay here for about 15 months and then begin my job search again. There is no job that can really keep my attention, I wanted to either be a rapper or an athlete, but that didn't work out so now I have to do all this bullshit that I actually hate."
Question 4
Would you consider yourself a team player in the work atmosphere?
Answer
"Not really, I do like company happy hours though, especially when the company is paying. I am more of a guy who does shit for myself, everytime I try to become a team player people tend to tell me I bring nothing to the table. Pisses me off and then I usually talk shit to them, then there is tons of office tension that I am usually the center of."
Question 5
What do you think you will bring to the company?
Answer
"Remember what I said when you asked me question 2? Probably about that same thing."
Question 6
Do you have any questions about the company Justin?
Answer
" Just a few actually
1) How much vacation do we get?
2) How many personal days do we get?
3) How many sick days do we get?"
The funny thing is this is what most of us should actually say at job interviews, unless you are actually a really good employee. Think about all the lies you tell during the interview process......COUNTLESS. You use words like "productive" and "efficient" and it is all BS. Good thing I don't actually fall into this category, I get to work and I do work all damn day.
Everyone have a blessed day.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
This blog isn't entirely about that though, it is about the job interview process, however I have a twist. We are so use to going to interviews and saying exactly what the possible employer wants to hear. It is all bullshit, none of what we say we actually mean, some of the words we use we don't even know the actual meaning of. It is basically a kiss ass contest to get a job.
I am going to change it up, I am going to interview myself and tell you exactly how I WANT to respond to every question I am asked.
Here we go............
Question 1
Good morning Justin how are you?
Answer:
"Well actually I am hoping to get this interview over as soon as possible because my boss at my current job thinks I am just going to lunch. So the quicker we can get this moving the better."
Question 2
What exactly do you do at your current job?
Answer
"I usually get there about 10 minutes late everyday, but when I finally get to my cubicle, I turn my computer on, log on to Facebook to see the status updates I missed from the time I went to bed until the time I got to work. Then I set my fantasy basketball lineup, read Barstool Sports Blog, go to the bathroom, talk to some people in the office, go back to my desk and think about doing some work. I usually text a few friends and try to make plans for the weekend. Then I look at my work emails, then I email my wife to see how her day is going. By around 11am I usually do something work related, but that lasts about 2 minutes before I get completely off task and get a notification on Facebook that someone "liked" my status. Then I go to get lunch for 90 minutes, come back look at more websites, email, text and drink tons of soda. Before I know it, it is 5pm and the day is over. I do that 5 days per week".
Question 3
Why do you think you are the person for the job?
Answer
"I probably am not the right choice, I am a slacker, but if you give me the job I will try and cut down my internet usage and stay on task. I want to work for your company, but only because the salary is higher and I am sick of my current job. I will probably stay here for about 15 months and then begin my job search again. There is no job that can really keep my attention, I wanted to either be a rapper or an athlete, but that didn't work out so now I have to do all this bullshit that I actually hate."
Question 4
Would you consider yourself a team player in the work atmosphere?
Answer
"Not really, I do like company happy hours though, especially when the company is paying. I am more of a guy who does shit for myself, everytime I try to become a team player people tend to tell me I bring nothing to the table. Pisses me off and then I usually talk shit to them, then there is tons of office tension that I am usually the center of."
Question 5
What do you think you will bring to the company?
Answer
"Remember what I said when you asked me question 2? Probably about that same thing."
Question 6
Do you have any questions about the company Justin?
Answer
" Just a few actually
1) How much vacation do we get?
2) How many personal days do we get?
3) How many sick days do we get?"
The funny thing is this is what most of us should actually say at job interviews, unless you are actually a really good employee. Think about all the lies you tell during the interview process......COUNTLESS. You use words like "productive" and "efficient" and it is all BS. Good thing I don't actually fall into this category, I get to work and I do work all damn day.
Everyone have a blessed day.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Election Results
After months and months of political ads all over your television the election is finally over. Many are upset this morning at the outcome, Facebook status' tell the real story. Since turning 18 I have voted Republican in every election there has been. The problem was I never truely knew what I was voting for. I followed the teachings of my parents and never had my own say. 14 years and 3 elections later I understand a little more, but everyday I learn something new, something that makes you think maybe it won't be that bad. A few years ago I got into an argument with one of my best friends over politics, I truely had no idea what I was arguing and the next day I called him to apologize. Since that day I try to stay out of every political discussion that goes on around me, instead I try and listen and learn from people. I try and understand how the person talking would be affected or if I would be affected. So many people get mad because someone else may have a differing view. That is what the world is about. Everyone is different, everyone has their own say and everyone should have voted for the person that best represents them or their family. If you feel defeated today don't take it out on an Obama supporter, don't question how or why they voted for him, instead put a smile on your face and feel lucky you woke up this morning. We have to put our faith in Barack for the next four years so come to grips with it, be excited about something in your life. Take this opportunity to make your life better. So many people are negative, I don't want that energy around me. This morning I woke up next to my beautiful wife, I woke up my beautiful stepdaughter to get ready for school, I showered and headed to work. It was the perfect morning.
Just be happy, I AM.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Just be happy, I AM.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Tips to People Who Spend Their Lives in a Cubicle.
Few things really get me excited anymore, but there are some things.....When Lillian scores a goal in her soccer game, when Brittany asks me if I heard a new rap song, when Jess tells me she is excited to go out for a drink, Christmas day NBA games on TV so I don't have to socialize with family members who are going to ask me the same questions....just to name a few. Nothing makes me feel better than when you catch your co-worker in their cube sneaking a peak on a website that isn't their actual work. I have Facebook on one of my 6 tabs all day long and I talk to the same people on it for hours per day. My morning conversation is with Jay Lorino about the workout at the gym, Steve Kohl is going to tell me about how he hates winter and wonders why he still lives in Wisconsin, Jared Dwyer and I just talk about random things that help us get through the day. Whatever it is if you work in a cube 9-10 hours per day 5 days per week you are going to have time to waste. No one in the cube world works all 40 hours per week. The thing is if you think no one saw you on a that website you are mistaking. You cannot click off fast enough when people are walking by, someone always sees you. I am professional, let me give you 3 tips on becoming a professional web surfer in your cube.
1) Learn the noises of your office, the creaks of peoples chairs, the tone of their voice, the sound of their cough, You can always be one step ahead of that co-worker who is going to bring up the fact that he/she saw you on the internet at a company happy hour. People will do anything to try and make themselves look superior. When that is brought up in front of your co-workers...OWN IT. Don't ever say "No I wasn't". Everyone who works in a cube is on the internet all day long.
2) Always have an excuse ready for the boss. If you are on the internet and get caught by your boss be prepared to give a quick excuse. Example- if I am diving deep into research for my fantasy basketball team on ESPN.com and the boss walks by and says "Justin why are you on ESPN.com during the work day"? I would be prepared to say "just checking to see what time World Series Game 1 is on tonight". Then I would follow that up with a question like "who are you rooting for". I need to quickly get his mind off the fact that I wasn't doing actual work.
3) Try to become friends with all your other cubemates. OWN THEM. Tell them why you don't care if you get caught on the internet. Make them understand the process, make them realize that in order to drag yourself into this cube everyday you need a little "you time". By doing this they will get the same feeling and after 2 months of being in the same cube you don't even have to think about clicking off. They just understand. Soon they will be asking you if you saw this or that on some website. That is when you have them right where you want them.
Anyone who works in a cube/office setting knows about clicking off when they feel the presence of another co-worker or boss. The thing our bosses don't realize is that we do 10 honest hours of work per week leaving us with 30 hours to not be bored out of our minds. They think we are all busy as shit all day, everyday. What the hell are you suppose to do? OVER ACHIEVE? Pssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhh......remember you are not a heart surgeon and you aren't going to change the world. Just imagine doing this for the next 25 years of your life.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
1) Learn the noises of your office, the creaks of peoples chairs, the tone of their voice, the sound of their cough, You can always be one step ahead of that co-worker who is going to bring up the fact that he/she saw you on the internet at a company happy hour. People will do anything to try and make themselves look superior. When that is brought up in front of your co-workers...OWN IT. Don't ever say "No I wasn't". Everyone who works in a cube is on the internet all day long.
2) Always have an excuse ready for the boss. If you are on the internet and get caught by your boss be prepared to give a quick excuse. Example- if I am diving deep into research for my fantasy basketball team on ESPN.com and the boss walks by and says "Justin why are you on ESPN.com during the work day"? I would be prepared to say "just checking to see what time World Series Game 1 is on tonight". Then I would follow that up with a question like "who are you rooting for". I need to quickly get his mind off the fact that I wasn't doing actual work.
3) Try to become friends with all your other cubemates. OWN THEM. Tell them why you don't care if you get caught on the internet. Make them understand the process, make them realize that in order to drag yourself into this cube everyday you need a little "you time". By doing this they will get the same feeling and after 2 months of being in the same cube you don't even have to think about clicking off. They just understand. Soon they will be asking you if you saw this or that on some website. That is when you have them right where you want them.
Anyone who works in a cube/office setting knows about clicking off when they feel the presence of another co-worker or boss. The thing our bosses don't realize is that we do 10 honest hours of work per week leaving us with 30 hours to not be bored out of our minds. They think we are all busy as shit all day, everyday. What the hell are you suppose to do? OVER ACHIEVE? Pssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhh......remember you are not a heart surgeon and you aren't going to change the world. Just imagine doing this for the next 25 years of your life.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
21 days into MY 56 day CHALLENGE...
3 weeks ago I decided to challenge myself for the first time in years. I believe the last challenege I faced before this was when I visited Brian Johnson at Ripon College, we went to Subway and he told me there was NO WAY I could eat 3 feet of sub. I took the challenge and made him look silly. I devoured all 3 feet and then I felt sick for the rest of the night. I believe I had 1/2 of a beer and was sleeping before 10pm CST. Since then I have just been lackidasical, someone who just goes with the flow and walks away or cheats on most things I am challeneged by. I go hard for about a week and then I give up, mainly because I don't have anything to prove and my name won't show up in the local newspaper. I decided to take on a 56 day nationwide health challenge called the Lurong Challenge(http://www.lurongliving.com/challenge/.) This shit ain't no joke. No dairy, No carbs, No soda, No booze, No grains, No sugars.........basically I am eating meat, chicken, pork, eggs, veggies and drinking water. This is a serious challenge for me, I am a big dude, I didn't get this way by always eating and drinking healthy. I will be the first to admit I have cheated or slipped up in my first 21 days, BUT I get right back at it the very next day. I haven't had a soda, or any noodles or anything besides a granola bar and few beers at a wedding. I want to suceed in this challenge, not only to make myself healthier, but also to give myself a mindf&*^. Sometimes we need to be mentally challenged to see what you are actually capable of. I will tell you a life change/diet is a lot more mental than anything. I am currently down around 15 lbs and feeling pretty damn good. 35 more days to make a lot more happen. After the challenge is over I KNOW I will be incorporating this way of eating into my daily life. That being said I will also go back to having a beer or 17 or some chicken wings here and there. I can see how eating healthy makes you feel, not only physically, but mentally and personally I like it. Stay tuned, in 35 more days I will be giving you the end results. Hopefully everything will be positive and I won't have fallen off the healthy wagon.
I don't usually blog about serious things, but the name of my blog is "I Motivate You" and I want to motivate some of the people who read the bullshit I usually write. If you have been wanting to do something, challenege yourself and make it happen. If I can do it anybody can do it. Believe me.
Good luck.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
I don't usually blog about serious things, but the name of my blog is "I Motivate You" and I want to motivate some of the people who read the bullshit I usually write. If you have been wanting to do something, challenege yourself and make it happen. If I can do it anybody can do it. Believe me.
Good luck.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Engaged, 1 Year Ago.
One year ago today I got engaged. I didn't pop the question in super romantic, get on one knee, everyone starts crying type of way. I sat on one couch, Jess went upstairs to tuck Lillian into bed, and I had a diamond ring in my pocket. I didn't know exactly what I was going to do, but I knew I had to act fast. I came up with the brilliant idea to send her a text message asking her to marry me. Her phone was sitting on the coffee table, I knew when she came back downstairs, it would be the first thing she would look at. So I sent the text, she came downstairs, looked at her phone, I was holding the ring and she almost shit in her pants. I think her reply was something along the lines of "shut the f*&% up". Jess has such a delicate mouth. Happiness ensued, Jess looked at the ring on her finger about 6,341 times before it actually felt real. Then she said "can we put this on Facebook"? Well yeah, we need to get this out there to see how many "likes" and "comments" we can get. Forget calling our parents or loved ones, lets get this thing on Facebook. That being said it was a pretty awesome night that I will never forget, but the best part of it was when Jess' daughter Brittany walked down the stairs and Jess said "hey Britt, guess what"? Then she showed her the ring.... Britts exact words were "STFU". Keep in mind this is a 4.0, 8th grade student who neither Jess nor I has ever heard swear. It was a good reaction. I believe she began to cry and then it was all real. I was going to have an immediate family and it was awesome.
In the last year Jess and I bought a house in December, got married in May, and continue to fight about what we are going to watch on tv nightly. That being said this has been the best year of my life and I wouldn't trade it for a thing. In every relationship there are ups and downs, but if the love is real good things can and will happen.
I LOVE YOU JESS, LILLIAN, AND BRITTANY!
PS-
Lillian- I need at least 2 goals out of you at Saturdays soccer game.
Britt- Even though you spend most of your time in your room because you are embarressed to be seen with your mother and I, I think you and I get along so well because of our love for rap music. Don't worry I won't tell your mother or father about the songs we listen to on your iPod when we drive to Sheboygan to meet your dad. Totally between us.
Jess- Hang in there with me and we will have a wonderful HAPPILY EVER AFTER! Tonight I plan on coming home, lighting a candle and making you a nice Banquet meal in the microwave. That's real love girl.
Love,
Justin
In the last year Jess and I bought a house in December, got married in May, and continue to fight about what we are going to watch on tv nightly. That being said this has been the best year of my life and I wouldn't trade it for a thing. In every relationship there are ups and downs, but if the love is real good things can and will happen.
I LOVE YOU JESS, LILLIAN, AND BRITTANY!
PS-
Lillian- I need at least 2 goals out of you at Saturdays soccer game.
Britt- Even though you spend most of your time in your room because you are embarressed to be seen with your mother and I, I think you and I get along so well because of our love for rap music. Don't worry I won't tell your mother or father about the songs we listen to on your iPod when we drive to Sheboygan to meet your dad. Totally between us.
Jess- Hang in there with me and we will have a wonderful HAPPILY EVER AFTER! Tonight I plan on coming home, lighting a candle and making you a nice Banquet meal in the microwave. That's real love girl.
Love,
Justin
Monday, September 24, 2012
The Check-In/Facebook Status Telling the World You Are Working Out.
Today I want to talk about the people who love to tell you that they are either working out or about to workout or tell you how many miles they ran or post their running route via social media. Before you all get super pissed off and say "Czar maybe you should follow our lead and workout because you are fat"........STFU. I am big and sexy and I do workout, but I workout just so I could go eat and drink whatever I want. I wasn't in the gym grunting and screaming until another ab would appear. Believe me there are thousands of reasons for working out and whatever your reason is I don't care, you just do your damn thang. Whether you want to lose weight, get toned, do tons of steroids, talk to people at work about what your bench is I don't care. I am all for people becoming more healthy. Last week I started a 56 day challenge at my gym in which I cannot drink soda, drink alcohol, eat dairy, eat grains etc.....so I do have the right to blog about this. Today actually marked the first week involved in the challenge and let me tell you I WANT a soda bad, I need a BEER worse, but I am not going to because I want to get more healthy. I have told the people who care about me and the people involved in the challenge at the gym how my first week went, but I will not report in on social media because that is against what I stand for. If you are trying to make a change be humble about it and don't look for people to tell you how awesome you are. Do shit for you.
Just know that when you check in from the gym this is how I and all the rest of your friends want to respond.
"Oh you are at the gym again huh, guess what, I and your other 608 friends don't give a shit". Are you looking for me to say "good job, you are so pretty and in shape, I wish I could find the time and motivation to be just like you, I saw you the other day and WOW do you look great, bangin bod, I want to be just like you." FU! FU! FU! I hope you sprain your god damn ankle.
Guess what it ain't coming from me. I am actually at home waiting for your next status update to be "I was at the gym today and I broke my leg". Now that is entertaining and what should be on your status. At least you will give all your friends a good chuckle you asshole.
If you are writing a status update about how how far you ran or showing us your "running route" here is how I and all your other friends would like to respond.
"Oh cool, out for a run again, I hope you you have a backpack full of weights and run directly into Lake Michigan and drown."
Believe me, everyone is thinking it and now I am saying it. No one gives a shit about how far you ran. Whatever happened to setting a goal for yourself and not having to get the comfort of your friends?
There are the type of men and women who are absolute gym beasts and their lives are dedicated to being healthy, if you fit this description than this blog does not pertain to you. It pertains to the people who go to the gym one time per week and want the world to know they are back on track and about to make a big change until they don't enter the gym doors again for another week. Again if you check in or Facebook status about the gym, I am sorry, but your friends truely are bothered by you and talk about you behind your back. No lie.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Just know that when you check in from the gym this is how I and all the rest of your friends want to respond.
"Oh you are at the gym again huh, guess what, I and your other 608 friends don't give a shit". Are you looking for me to say "good job, you are so pretty and in shape, I wish I could find the time and motivation to be just like you, I saw you the other day and WOW do you look great, bangin bod, I want to be just like you." FU! FU! FU! I hope you sprain your god damn ankle.
Guess what it ain't coming from me. I am actually at home waiting for your next status update to be "I was at the gym today and I broke my leg". Now that is entertaining and what should be on your status. At least you will give all your friends a good chuckle you asshole.
If you are writing a status update about how how far you ran or showing us your "running route" here is how I and all your other friends would like to respond.
"Oh cool, out for a run again, I hope you you have a backpack full of weights and run directly into Lake Michigan and drown."
Believe me, everyone is thinking it and now I am saying it. No one gives a shit about how far you ran. Whatever happened to setting a goal for yourself and not having to get the comfort of your friends?
There are the type of men and women who are absolute gym beasts and their lives are dedicated to being healthy, if you fit this description than this blog does not pertain to you. It pertains to the people who go to the gym one time per week and want the world to know they are back on track and about to make a big change until they don't enter the gym doors again for another week. Again if you check in or Facebook status about the gym, I am sorry, but your friends truely are bothered by you and talk about you behind your back. No lie.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
At My Funeral...
You know what.....there are some real shitheads in the world. The type of people who you despise to be around. The type of people who give you anxiety because you never know what they are going to do, what they are going to say and who they are going to offend. I HATE those people, I hope I am not one of those people to anybody. I know in high school some people thought I was an asshole, this was never my intention. I wanted to be cool with every group of people from goth to jocks to valley girls to nerdy guys to nerdy girls to hispanics to blacks to whoever was roaming the halls. Unfortunately I did not come off this way to a few people and for that I would like to apologize. I told my stepdaughter a few months ago that if a dude is mean to you it probably means he likes you. Maybe that was my problem, maybe I just had a crush on the people I was mean to. Right now I don't know.....I am happily married to a gangster ass chick who lets me be me. This brings me to my point, I think a lot of people do not realize the impact they have on other people. How do you want to be remembered when you are worm food? What do you want people to say about you? I have decided to tell you how I hope I am remembered after I die.
When you all stand up at my funeral and talk about me I hope it goes something like this
Justin Matthew Czarnecki was a good dude, sometimes he thought he was black and had often been called a "wigger". Through his college years he was the only white person I knew who was draped in P. Diddys clothing line Sean John. He is a lover of hip hop and R&B and boy bands. Justin loved his family and although his wife Jessica sometimes wanted to murder him, she understood him and let him be an asshole because that is who he was. His stepdaughters could count on him if they needed anything whether it was a TI-84 calculater or support at a sporting event they knew he would be on the sideline talking about his glory days and how he once struck out 20 out of 21 batters when he was 15 against the Cardinals during the first game of the senior season. Justin wouldn't want his funeral to be a time of tears and emotions. Instead he would rather there be a 2 drink minimum and 2Pac on the speakers bumpin "Bury Me a G". Justin would want you to tell stories about how he made you laugh, how he made you feel better about yourself or the time he bought you 5 drinks and you never bought him one back. He wasn't a handyman, he couldn't hook up a VCR, he wasn't sure how to use a wrench. but he was a cool ass dude and someone I know would help me if I had a problem. He enjoyed his relationships he had with his best friends and their families, but he is probably happy he never has to go to another kids birthday party. The thing that bothered Justin the most was facebook status' that included talking shit about your ex-partner, political nonsense, pictures of your food and people who were begging for help and or attention. He secretly hoped all those people would find the dirt before he did. Justin was a firm believer that the day he died nothing would happen other than everything fading to black and his corpse becoming a buffet for all insects and creatures who were hungry. Above all he wanted to make sure his family and friends were happy with the life they chose. The last thing he hoped is that his funeral would be an all day party that included bottle service, grinding, rap music and everyone being happy. Cheers to Justin, Czar, Bobby, Bows, Frozen Toes, Biscuits, Juice and anything else you called him.
Please make my funeral a party and remember to pour a little out.
I don't want people at my funeral talking about how much I was disliked. I encourage everyone to make a firm impact on everyone you come across. Say something people will remember forever, don't waste your life being the person who thinks they know everything. Make people smile it will be part of your legacy.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
When you all stand up at my funeral and talk about me I hope it goes something like this
Justin Matthew Czarnecki was a good dude, sometimes he thought he was black and had often been called a "wigger". Through his college years he was the only white person I knew who was draped in P. Diddys clothing line Sean John. He is a lover of hip hop and R&B and boy bands. Justin loved his family and although his wife Jessica sometimes wanted to murder him, she understood him and let him be an asshole because that is who he was. His stepdaughters could count on him if they needed anything whether it was a TI-84 calculater or support at a sporting event they knew he would be on the sideline talking about his glory days and how he once struck out 20 out of 21 batters when he was 15 against the Cardinals during the first game of the senior season. Justin wouldn't want his funeral to be a time of tears and emotions. Instead he would rather there be a 2 drink minimum and 2Pac on the speakers bumpin "Bury Me a G". Justin would want you to tell stories about how he made you laugh, how he made you feel better about yourself or the time he bought you 5 drinks and you never bought him one back. He wasn't a handyman, he couldn't hook up a VCR, he wasn't sure how to use a wrench. but he was a cool ass dude and someone I know would help me if I had a problem. He enjoyed his relationships he had with his best friends and their families, but he is probably happy he never has to go to another kids birthday party. The thing that bothered Justin the most was facebook status' that included talking shit about your ex-partner, political nonsense, pictures of your food and people who were begging for help and or attention. He secretly hoped all those people would find the dirt before he did. Justin was a firm believer that the day he died nothing would happen other than everything fading to black and his corpse becoming a buffet for all insects and creatures who were hungry. Above all he wanted to make sure his family and friends were happy with the life they chose. The last thing he hoped is that his funeral would be an all day party that included bottle service, grinding, rap music and everyone being happy. Cheers to Justin, Czar, Bobby, Bows, Frozen Toes, Biscuits, Juice and anything else you called him.
Please make my funeral a party and remember to pour a little out.
I don't want people at my funeral talking about how much I was disliked. I encourage everyone to make a firm impact on everyone you come across. Say something people will remember forever, don't waste your life being the person who thinks they know everything. Make people smile it will be part of your legacy.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Monday, August 27, 2012
3 People at Every Wedding Reception
This weekend my lovely wife and I had the privelage to attend one of my best friends wedding receptions. It was a glorious two day event that included a beautiful couple, beautiful family and friends, drinking, eating, laughter and Toppers. Being at a wedding and the help from a friend gave me the idea for this blog. When attending a wedding you never know what you are going to get, whether it is corny dance music, a boring crowd, lousy wedding food blah blah blah. The bottom line is the night takes a ton of planning and organization and no matter what someone is going to bitch about something. With that being said when going to a wedding you always have a few individuals who make the wedding 100 times better. Today I am going to to give you my list of 3 people that absolutely no wedding can live without.
1) The dancing whore/slut- this person tends to be a girl who doesn't have a date, but is bound and determined to make people remember her. This girl is usually drinking vodka before the wedding, during appetizers, dinner, dessert, the father/daughter dance and so on. She is also usually the first girl to drop a glass and then tell everyone "I'm soooooooo sorry, that is only my first drink". Once the music switches from the chicken dance to hip hop this girl is usually the one screaming "ohhhhhhhh this my jam", while putting one hand in the air and the other hand is being occupied by a glass of vodka. At some point this chick just decides it is go time, she begins grinding on every dude on the dance floor causing widespread panic amongst people/family watching. Her dress is all over the place, her ass is hanging out and someone has to tell her to knock it off and go have some water. When she wakes up in the morning she looks like a confused mess, feels like a mess, is wondering where her dress and jewelry is and the first words out of her mouth are "I don't remember a thing".
2) Drunk Groomsman- this guy is determined to lead the charge. He wants to make sure everyone is having the time of their lives. He is the guy who demands to drink before entering the church and usually has 2 beers in his hands at all times during the pictures. He refuses to follow any directions including those coming from the priest or the photographer. This guy wants to make sure that he goes hard. At some point during the reception he will have his dress shirt and tie off, but he will be wearing just his vest. His favorite dance move is the fist pump and he is usually groping any girl he can. The best part of this guy is he doesn't want to give up after the reception, he is the one screaming "what bar are we going to". When this guy wakes up in the morning he doesn't ever know where he is, how he got there, but the only thing he needs is a drink. He has one beer to be a tough guy and then he sleeps for the rest of the day.
3) The complainer- this is usually an older lady who just likes to complain because her life is actually miserable. So she gets dressed up in the same clothes that she wears to every wedding, doesn't drink alcohol, sits at a table by herself looking every single person up and down. Her favorite question to ask passer-byers is "how was your dinner, mine was cold and just not good". She comments to every person about certain peoples clothes, they type of music being played and how she can't believe how much kids drink these days. Her husband stays away from her because he actually can't stand her and wants to enjoy himself. At 9:30pm she is ready to go and her husband just says "FINE" because he has done whatever she says for the last 31 years. No need to stop now. Now you may not ever notice her in the crowd, but just remember she is at every wedding.
Other people you always see at a wedding include:
- Old guy with killer dance moves
- The underdressed family
- The dancing 2 year old
- The cryer
Look at the three people I have listed above and tell me you don't know exactly what I am talking about. These people are a staple at a weddings. Think about the last few weddings you have been to and you can pick these people out right away.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
1) The dancing whore/slut- this person tends to be a girl who doesn't have a date, but is bound and determined to make people remember her. This girl is usually drinking vodka before the wedding, during appetizers, dinner, dessert, the father/daughter dance and so on. She is also usually the first girl to drop a glass and then tell everyone "I'm soooooooo sorry, that is only my first drink". Once the music switches from the chicken dance to hip hop this girl is usually the one screaming "ohhhhhhhh this my jam", while putting one hand in the air and the other hand is being occupied by a glass of vodka. At some point this chick just decides it is go time, she begins grinding on every dude on the dance floor causing widespread panic amongst people/family watching. Her dress is all over the place, her ass is hanging out and someone has to tell her to knock it off and go have some water. When she wakes up in the morning she looks like a confused mess, feels like a mess, is wondering where her dress and jewelry is and the first words out of her mouth are "I don't remember a thing".
2) Drunk Groomsman- this guy is determined to lead the charge. He wants to make sure everyone is having the time of their lives. He is the guy who demands to drink before entering the church and usually has 2 beers in his hands at all times during the pictures. He refuses to follow any directions including those coming from the priest or the photographer. This guy wants to make sure that he goes hard. At some point during the reception he will have his dress shirt and tie off, but he will be wearing just his vest. His favorite dance move is the fist pump and he is usually groping any girl he can. The best part of this guy is he doesn't want to give up after the reception, he is the one screaming "what bar are we going to". When this guy wakes up in the morning he doesn't ever know where he is, how he got there, but the only thing he needs is a drink. He has one beer to be a tough guy and then he sleeps for the rest of the day.
3) The complainer- this is usually an older lady who just likes to complain because her life is actually miserable. So she gets dressed up in the same clothes that she wears to every wedding, doesn't drink alcohol, sits at a table by herself looking every single person up and down. Her favorite question to ask passer-byers is "how was your dinner, mine was cold and just not good". She comments to every person about certain peoples clothes, they type of music being played and how she can't believe how much kids drink these days. Her husband stays away from her because he actually can't stand her and wants to enjoy himself. At 9:30pm she is ready to go and her husband just says "FINE" because he has done whatever she says for the last 31 years. No need to stop now. Now you may not ever notice her in the crowd, but just remember she is at every wedding.
Other people you always see at a wedding include:
- Old guy with killer dance moves
- The underdressed family
- The dancing 2 year old
- The cryer
Look at the three people I have listed above and tell me you don't know exactly what I am talking about. These people are a staple at a weddings. Think about the last few weddings you have been to and you can pick these people out right away.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Friday, August 24, 2012
Hottest Dudes Out There.
My wife calls me gay about 6 times per day, not to be rude, not to use a slur, but because she actually thinks I am gay. My wife and I recently watched The Vow and the scene where Channing took his shirt off my response was "YEEEESSSSSSS". I am not afraid to admit when a man is good looking, has a bangin' bod, good skin, great hair, or a wonderful closet of clothes. Some guys just have the total package and it just isnt fair. With that being said we are a world that judges everything and everybody and the best part of it people have their own opinions. I want to share with you my opinon on the 3 hottest dudes in the world. Agree, disagree, argue with me, I don't care, I am entitled to my opinion. This is in no particular order, in fact the top 3 can rotate at anytime depending on when I see them on tv, in a magazine or on the red carpet.
HERE WE GO....................
Justin Timberlake- the guy flat out gets it done, dresses awesome, can sing his heart out, humerous, knowledgable about sports, although I don't know for sure he just looks like he would always smell good. I will be honest, I think his acting is like watching an abortion, but the good part is viewers still get to look at him. Another thing about him is he knows Joey Fattone, when Fattone is running in your cirlce you know life is good.
David Beckham- hair, tattoos, 39 pack, structured jaw line hand chisled by God himself. The funny thing about Beckham is I don't think I have ever heard him talk. Is he mute? I am sure Posh and his 4 dickhead children who only wear name brand clothing run his life, but after soccer games he is out SLAYING D and wrecking random womens lives.
Matthew Mcconaughey- Maybe getting a little older but his accent and body hasn't changed. JEEESH. I don't care if he doesn't wear deoderant and only runs on the beach with his shirt off. I would also if I looked like him. You can't tell me he is faithful to his Brazillian supermodel wife. I don't buy it. You know what, his wife probably knows he cheats and doesn't care, that is how hot he is.
Like I said we all have opinions, but right now this is my top 3. You can go any way with it you want. You may laugh at my pick of Matthew Mcconaughey, but then I will laugh at you right back. I can't wait to hear all of your opinions. If you are a dude reading this and you think it is weird that I am judging what a dude looks like it just means you are not ok with your sexuality. That's all.
Everyone have a great weekend.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
HERE WE GO....................
Justin Timberlake- the guy flat out gets it done, dresses awesome, can sing his heart out, humerous, knowledgable about sports, although I don't know for sure he just looks like he would always smell good. I will be honest, I think his acting is like watching an abortion, but the good part is viewers still get to look at him. Another thing about him is he knows Joey Fattone, when Fattone is running in your cirlce you know life is good.
David Beckham- hair, tattoos, 39 pack, structured jaw line hand chisled by God himself. The funny thing about Beckham is I don't think I have ever heard him talk. Is he mute? I am sure Posh and his 4 dickhead children who only wear name brand clothing run his life, but after soccer games he is out SLAYING D and wrecking random womens lives.
Matthew Mcconaughey- Maybe getting a little older but his accent and body hasn't changed. JEEESH. I don't care if he doesn't wear deoderant and only runs on the beach with his shirt off. I would also if I looked like him. You can't tell me he is faithful to his Brazillian supermodel wife. I don't buy it. You know what, his wife probably knows he cheats and doesn't care, that is how hot he is.
Like I said we all have opinions, but right now this is my top 3. You can go any way with it you want. You may laugh at my pick of Matthew Mcconaughey, but then I will laugh at you right back. I can't wait to hear all of your opinions. If you are a dude reading this and you think it is weird that I am judging what a dude looks like it just means you are not ok with your sexuality. That's all.
Everyone have a great weekend.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Parenting Questions on Facebook
I know it seems like I bitch a lot about other people on my blog, you are right, I do and you continue to come back and read because I say things you are thinking. Over the past few blog entries I have been bitching about things I see on Facebook or Facebook status'. Recently I have seen an abundance of mothers asking for for "suggestions" on how they should do something with their child. It looks something like this "recently my baby won't stay attached to my nipple while feeding, any suggestions on what I should do"?
My suggestion is simple....never ask anyone on Facebook how to parent your child. Every kid is different and your ass needs to figure out something that works. I don't want to waste my time telling you to put your nipple at a 45 degree angle so little Jacob can get the proper flow. That ain't my duty. Read a book, call your mom, don't ask Facebook how to parent your kid, it makes you look bad.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
My suggestion is simple....never ask anyone on Facebook how to parent your child. Every kid is different and your ass needs to figure out something that works. I don't want to waste my time telling you to put your nipple at a 45 degree angle so little Jacob can get the proper flow. That ain't my duty. Read a book, call your mom, don't ask Facebook how to parent your kid, it makes you look bad.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Pictures of Yourself you Took Yourself
Some things really bug me, get under my skin and drive me crazy. Those things include when people don't let me finish my sentence, when people don't know how the Subway line works and last but not least when middle-aged people take pictures of themselves in the mirror or in their car and post them to a social media site. What do you want from doing this? We all know you are doing it because you think you look hot, is there any other reason to do it? The best part is I am sure the person posting is refreshing their Facebook page every 6 seconds to see who commented and to get a quick self esteem boost. Look, I get it if you are in middle school or high school and looking for attention, but if you are 25 or older this should be a no no.
The fact is as soon as I see a picture posted like this I am texting someone to say "did you see so and so's picture he/she just posted....wtf are they doing". If you think I am the only person doing this you are sadly mistaken. Everyone is talking about you, maybe that is what you want, but it is a BAD look. You look like an idiot who is craving the attention you are not getting at home. Instead of giving me the duck face why don't you ask your mom or dad if they want to hangout. Parents will give you the attention you desire.
Dudes- I will admit I don't go shirtless EVER because, WELL, because it simply isn't a good look and I don't want people to get sick. The good thing is I realize this. I just really have a problem with dudes who take photos of their abs, or flexing in the mirror and posting it to a social media site. Go ahead, call me jealous, you may be right, but while you call me jealous I am going to call you a DOUCHEBAG and so is everyone else except people who wear Ed Hardy still. What do you want from this, people to comment "hot abs dude". My guess is you post pictures because you feel the pressure around girls when you are out. You probably stand in the back of the bar with your Affliction shirt on and embroidered, sparkly jeans looking like a douche. Put on a fuckin hoody and a hat and post the picture of you and some friends drinking some beers and enjoying life.
Girls- Duck face....NO......Bikini shots in the mirror taken by yourself.....NO. I don't f'n care if you are a God damn super model you look like a whore. "HEY EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME, LOOK I AM WEARING A BIKINI AND POSING SEXY IN THE MIRROR BECAUSE I AM AN ATENTION SEEKING SLUT". Everything I just said can be thrown out the window if someone else takes the picture, if I see you holding a phone and taking the picture everything I said above still stands. Say whatever you want, plead your case, tell me why you took a picture of yourself and posted it on Facebook. I WILL CALL YOU A LIAR.
I understand people like attention, I love it, but I love it for different reasons. When I have peoples attention it is usually because I am trying to make them laugh and enjoy their day. It isn't because I haven't eaten a carb for 8 years and now I have abs and I want to show you a picture. Kudos to those people who take care of themselves, I have nothing but love for you, but we all know you look nice shirtless or in a bikini. Try getting attention another way like driving your car directly off the Hoan Bridge.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
The fact is as soon as I see a picture posted like this I am texting someone to say "did you see so and so's picture he/she just posted....wtf are they doing". If you think I am the only person doing this you are sadly mistaken. Everyone is talking about you, maybe that is what you want, but it is a BAD look. You look like an idiot who is craving the attention you are not getting at home. Instead of giving me the duck face why don't you ask your mom or dad if they want to hangout. Parents will give you the attention you desire.
Dudes- I will admit I don't go shirtless EVER because, WELL, because it simply isn't a good look and I don't want people to get sick. The good thing is I realize this. I just really have a problem with dudes who take photos of their abs, or flexing in the mirror and posting it to a social media site. Go ahead, call me jealous, you may be right, but while you call me jealous I am going to call you a DOUCHEBAG and so is everyone else except people who wear Ed Hardy still. What do you want from this, people to comment "hot abs dude". My guess is you post pictures because you feel the pressure around girls when you are out. You probably stand in the back of the bar with your Affliction shirt on and embroidered, sparkly jeans looking like a douche. Put on a fuckin hoody and a hat and post the picture of you and some friends drinking some beers and enjoying life.
Girls- Duck face....NO......Bikini shots in the mirror taken by yourself.....NO. I don't f'n care if you are a God damn super model you look like a whore. "HEY EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME, LOOK I AM WEARING A BIKINI AND POSING SEXY IN THE MIRROR BECAUSE I AM AN ATENTION SEEKING SLUT". Everything I just said can be thrown out the window if someone else takes the picture, if I see you holding a phone and taking the picture everything I said above still stands. Say whatever you want, plead your case, tell me why you took a picture of yourself and posted it on Facebook. I WILL CALL YOU A LIAR.
I understand people like attention, I love it, but I love it for different reasons. When I have peoples attention it is usually because I am trying to make them laugh and enjoy their day. It isn't because I haven't eaten a carb for 8 years and now I have abs and I want to show you a picture. Kudos to those people who take care of themselves, I have nothing but love for you, but we all know you look nice shirtless or in a bikini. Try getting attention another way like driving your car directly off the Hoan Bridge.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Things I Don't Know How to Do.
Never claimed to be a mans man, in fact I am the exact opposite of that. I am suprised my wife actually stays with me. As far as doing handyman/mans man work I am a joke. I don't really know how to hold a hammer, or use a shovel, or really anything else. I do know how to pay to get things done however. I want to change this, I want my wife to say "hey Justin, could you hang this picture for me" and the answer to be "Yes". Unfortunately right now I wouldn't know how to hang a picture. I am good at being a friend, remembering sports stats, and drinking. That doesn't help me though. My dad has shook his head at me many times in disgust. Today I am going to share with you a list of things I CANNOT DO. Remember I am a 32 year old male who grew up with a father who could do everything my mom asked. HERE WE GO......
1) Change my oil.
2) Hook up a VCR.
3) Hang a picture.
4) Check the air pressure in my tires
5) Set up wireless TV.
6) Grill anything. I have never flipped a burger on a grill in my life.
7) Put together anything, desks, shelving units, basically anything with an instruction manuel.
8) Kill spiders, centipedes or get anywhere near a mouse.
9) Anything electrical besides put a plug in or out.
10) Painting, it seems easy but I am terrible at it. Tons of streaks, missed spots.
11) Hanging a fixture.
12) Figuring out why something doesn't work.
13) Unplugging the toilet. Seriously, my wife does this.
14) I refuse to step foot on a ladder.
15) Putting sheets on a bed, I don't know why I just can't do it. Not manly at all, but I can't do it.
This was a list of 15 that I came up with in 5 minutes. I am worthless. Bob Vila would hate my ass. Hell, I hate my ass. Is there any hope for me? At 32 I should be able to do everything listed above. No worries though I still have good hair and my wife loves me. I think. Sometimes I just shake my head at myself. One word comes to mind. Pathetic.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
1) Change my oil.
2) Hook up a VCR.
3) Hang a picture.
4) Check the air pressure in my tires
5) Set up wireless TV.
6) Grill anything. I have never flipped a burger on a grill in my life.
7) Put together anything, desks, shelving units, basically anything with an instruction manuel.
8) Kill spiders, centipedes or get anywhere near a mouse.
9) Anything electrical besides put a plug in or out.
10) Painting, it seems easy but I am terrible at it. Tons of streaks, missed spots.
11) Hanging a fixture.
12) Figuring out why something doesn't work.
13) Unplugging the toilet. Seriously, my wife does this.
14) I refuse to step foot on a ladder.
15) Putting sheets on a bed, I don't know why I just can't do it. Not manly at all, but I can't do it.
This was a list of 15 that I came up with in 5 minutes. I am worthless. Bob Vila would hate my ass. Hell, I hate my ass. Is there any hope for me? At 32 I should be able to do everything listed above. No worries though I still have good hair and my wife loves me. I think. Sometimes I just shake my head at myself. One word comes to mind. Pathetic.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
My Take On Politics
Lies, deceit, scandal, BJs, blah blah blah it is all we ever hear about when talking about politics. You ask a politician a question you hear the same bullshit answer. Look, the United States is like 84 fijillion dollars in debt that shit ain't going away or going to get brushed under a rug. The funny thing is that Republican supporters believe that Romney and Ryan are just going to come into office and make shit happen. They are going to erase the deficit, they are going to create more jobs, they are going to wipe the asses of big business'......you know what I believe, none of that shit. Obama supporters believe that he has come into office and made some headway, things are turning around, there are more jobs. You want to know how much of this I believe, none of that shit. The numbers are so skewed on both sides that it is funny that anyone believes anything. How is it that there are like 7,000 different ways to find out if there are more or less jobs? Shouldn't that be simple math? Adding and subtracting? I use to be Mr. Republican and not even know what I was talking about, as I have grown up and have actually been involved in intelligent conversations I have learned a few things. What I have learned the most is I should just STFU. If you are going to add nothing to a conversation don't pretend to know what you are talking about. People have differing views, why would I think I am going to change someones mind. I don't give a shit how you vote, all I want to do is get drunk with you and talk about sports or what kind of porn you like. The people that really irritate me are the people on Facebook who think by writing a status ranting about how good or bad someone is it will change someones mind. Guess what, people don't give a shit about who you are voting for, you going ahead and do your thing and I am gonna do mine. I don't care what Mitt says he is gonna do, you wanna know why.....because Mitts ass is lying, Paul Ryan is a liar, Obama is a liar, and Joe Biden......is Joe Biden still alive?
Look, I am a confused individual, I don't know if I am Democrat or Republican, half the day I don't even know where I am. Here is how I am going to figure out what I am. I googled "Republican vs. Democrat" to see what separated the two sides. Here is what it told me. I am going to breakdown my thoughts on each issue for the world to see.
Economic Ideas- No matter what my ass is gonna get taxed. I got like $38 in checking. I say just print more money, give everyone like 10 million dollars and lets make it rain. Do whatever you want with that 10 mil, go to Poto, get some rims, buy a house....whatever you do that is all you are getting. Spend wisely.
Military Issues- Any country that F's with us just blow it up. How simple is that. Osamas ass didn't have any remorse for flying planes into the World trade Centers, I wouldn't have any remorse for watching people blow up into 1 million pieces. hell, put it on TV at 7pm on a Friday night, I will get a forty and watch people burn. Too much? I don't care.
Death Penalty- Simple, you kill someone with the intent to kill someone you should die. I actually think that the family of the deceased should get to set you on fire. No remorse for murderers.
Abortion- I am Pro Life.......until it happens to me. Then everything changes.
Stance on gay marriage- When I was growing up I always wanted to be cool and follow the cool kids and I truely didn't understand being gay. Well, I have grown up. Whether it is a choice or you are born that way I don't give a shit. I believe that everyone should have the right to be happy. Why should society be allowed to take that right away from a person. Plus I need some fashion tips.
These are just 4 very basic questions I answered when trying to figure out exactly where I stand. Guess what, I found out nothing because it is impossible for me to be serious.
The fact is, I try to find humor in things from politics to death to car accidents and maybe this will ruffle some feathers of the people who are super into politics. I DON'T CARE. You are being lied to, misinformed by greasey ass dudes who tell you exactly what you want to here. No matter who wins this years election I am still going to live my life, spend too much money on weekends and love my family. You can choose to do exactly what you want or vote for whoever you want, but I want you to think about my suggestion.
WRITE IN VOTE........GEORGE W. BUSH....he is still getting blamed for everything anyways.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Look, I am a confused individual, I don't know if I am Democrat or Republican, half the day I don't even know where I am. Here is how I am going to figure out what I am. I googled "Republican vs. Democrat" to see what separated the two sides. Here is what it told me. I am going to breakdown my thoughts on each issue for the world to see.
Economic Ideas- No matter what my ass is gonna get taxed. I got like $38 in checking. I say just print more money, give everyone like 10 million dollars and lets make it rain. Do whatever you want with that 10 mil, go to Poto, get some rims, buy a house....whatever you do that is all you are getting. Spend wisely.
Military Issues- Any country that F's with us just blow it up. How simple is that. Osamas ass didn't have any remorse for flying planes into the World trade Centers, I wouldn't have any remorse for watching people blow up into 1 million pieces. hell, put it on TV at 7pm on a Friday night, I will get a forty and watch people burn. Too much? I don't care.
Death Penalty- Simple, you kill someone with the intent to kill someone you should die. I actually think that the family of the deceased should get to set you on fire. No remorse for murderers.
Abortion- I am Pro Life.......until it happens to me. Then everything changes.
Stance on gay marriage- When I was growing up I always wanted to be cool and follow the cool kids and I truely didn't understand being gay. Well, I have grown up. Whether it is a choice or you are born that way I don't give a shit. I believe that everyone should have the right to be happy. Why should society be allowed to take that right away from a person. Plus I need some fashion tips.
These are just 4 very basic questions I answered when trying to figure out exactly where I stand. Guess what, I found out nothing because it is impossible for me to be serious.
The fact is, I try to find humor in things from politics to death to car accidents and maybe this will ruffle some feathers of the people who are super into politics. I DON'T CARE. You are being lied to, misinformed by greasey ass dudes who tell you exactly what you want to here. No matter who wins this years election I am still going to live my life, spend too much money on weekends and love my family. You can choose to do exactly what you want or vote for whoever you want, but I want you to think about my suggestion.
WRITE IN VOTE........GEORGE W. BUSH....he is still getting blamed for everything anyways.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Monday, August 13, 2012
Weekend Spending
Weekends come and go faster than you can blink. One minute it is Friday night and I am headed home from work and the next minute it is Sunday night and I am watching Step Brothers on FX for the 8th week in a row. That is not the basis of this blog however, this blog is to show you how impossible it is to stick to a budget. In my mind I am the best budgetor in the entire world. I know bills going out, money coming in.....but more importantly my wife and I know how to have a good time according to our bank account Monday morning. GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSHHHHHH. I am going to walk you through a basic weekend of spending for the Czarnecki family.
Friday night after work my wife wanted to meet me at the Varsity Club after work, she brought her car, I brought mine, it was almost like a date which was kind of cool. I walked in, gave her a kiss, sat down to see that she was already about 4 sips into her Red Bull and vodka, I ordered a draft of Miller Lite and we began talking about our day. We both decided that we could go for a pizza so we order the large sausage, mushroom and onion pizza and for an appetizer we order motzerella sticks. We continue talking, I have about 3 more beers and she orders one more cocktail. When it was all said and done our first bill of the weekend was right around $50.00.
While we were eating I was receiving texts from Jessicas daughter about dinner, she was with her friends and wanted to know if they could go to Old Country Buffet, to which I asked if she had any money. Her response was "No", my response back was "go make some food at home then". Jess and I return home to see her daughter and two friends looking through the cabinets for food. The thing was they really wanted Jimmy Johns. Jess then handed her daughter over $30.00 for Jimmy Johns for her and her two friends. I thought it was a nice gesture although I dont think either of her friends said thank you. That pissed me off.
Sooooooo Jess and I get ready and go to Rays and Dots where we are meeting some friends for a drink or two before we relocate for the night to Village Days in Greendale. Jess has a Red Bull and Vodka, I have a draft of Modelo and also order a couple beers for our friends. We leave Ray and Dots 45 minutes later spending only $18.00.
It is now about 9pm and we have spent $98.00.
We walk to Village Days in Greendale which is basically summed up by a beer tent and a band singing Usher and Lady Gaga. Beers are going for $3.50 a piece and I am ready to make it rain. Jess and her girlfriend go order the first round, not sure who paid and the night begins. The rest of the night we bought rounds, our friends bought rounds blah blah blah. About half way through the night I noticed that I knew one of the dudes serving beers in the tent, from that point on the only thing I spent money on was tipping.
Waking up in the morning was fine, no headache to speak of, Jess felt great and the sun was shining. Jess went through her purse I went through my wallet and I didnt even have a quarter. She also was coming up empty meaning that the $200.00 that was taken out for the entire weekend was spent in a 7 hour period.
Lets move into Saturday shall we.....Jess has a hair appointment at 11:30am which will probably cost somewhere between $130-$160. I actually don't want to know so I won't even ask. I sit in bed thinking to myself well I want to do something during her hair appointment. I wanted some "me time". This is what my "me time" consisted of. I went to the dry cleaners and spent $37.00. I went to go see a movie by myself $7.50 for the ticket, $9.00 at the concession stand. I got a soda and some Reeses Pieces and it was $9.00. After the movie I notice that the sun is shining and I really wanted to buy some sunglasses. I have wanted them for a few months now and decided that there was no better time than now to spend $126.00 on sunglasses, so that is exactly what I did. By 1pm on saturday afternoon I am into our checking account for $180.00 and that isn't even adding in Jess' hair did. Lets just say that Jessicas hair costed $130.00 that puts us at $310.00 at 1:30pm on Saturday afternoon.
Now it is time to get ready and go to State Fair for the afternoon. We bought 2 tickets from some random dude on the street for $16.00. We get in and Jess wants a corndog $5.00 and I want a beer. While I am getting a beer Jess says "while you are it get me a Mikes Hard Lemonade".....$11.25. We walk around for a little bit making fun of the people and I get another beer $5.25. At this point I get a text from my friend Phillip Hansen telling us that he is by a bar with his fiance. Jess and I scoot on over there. We order drinks for us and them and luckily they take credit cards because I didn't want to spend any more cash. 4 beers cost me a measley $21.00. As I am standing there talking to my friend I realize I still owed him $40.00 from his bachelor party the weekend before. I ask Jess if she has any cash left and she does, she has exactly $40.00. We hand that over to PJ so there are no hard feelings. Now we don't have any cash left and it is 6pm in the late afternoon. At this point we have now spent $100.00 at State Fair with the $40.00 I owed Phillip. Phil and Andrea bought the next round and we took off to another beer tent. On the way to the beer tent Jess saw an ATM and took out another $100.00 and was charged a $3.00 fee.
We get to the beer tent and I am ready to have some fun, to make a really long story short I bought a few rounds, Phil bought a few rounds, my boss bought a few rounds and I have probably put another $80.00 on my credit card by the time Phil and Andrea needed to head out. After Phil and Andrea leave it is now time for Jess and I to get down and eat some food.
Here is what we had:
Corndog
Gyros
Nachos
Cheese Curds
Brat
And another Corn dog
The next morning Jess has $30.00 left from the $100.00 she took out. I spent $80.00 on my credit card. Grand total at State Fair $250.00.
Grand total Friday = $200.00
Grand total Saturday = $560.00
$760.00 later and all we have to show for it is a pair of sunglasses and Jess' new bangs.
Can anyone say they spent more this weekend?
The best part about it is that Friday afternoon Jess emailed me and said "should I take out $100.00 for the weekend".
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Friday night after work my wife wanted to meet me at the Varsity Club after work, she brought her car, I brought mine, it was almost like a date which was kind of cool. I walked in, gave her a kiss, sat down to see that she was already about 4 sips into her Red Bull and vodka, I ordered a draft of Miller Lite and we began talking about our day. We both decided that we could go for a pizza so we order the large sausage, mushroom and onion pizza and for an appetizer we order motzerella sticks. We continue talking, I have about 3 more beers and she orders one more cocktail. When it was all said and done our first bill of the weekend was right around $50.00.
While we were eating I was receiving texts from Jessicas daughter about dinner, she was with her friends and wanted to know if they could go to Old Country Buffet, to which I asked if she had any money. Her response was "No", my response back was "go make some food at home then". Jess and I return home to see her daughter and two friends looking through the cabinets for food. The thing was they really wanted Jimmy Johns. Jess then handed her daughter over $30.00 for Jimmy Johns for her and her two friends. I thought it was a nice gesture although I dont think either of her friends said thank you. That pissed me off.
Sooooooo Jess and I get ready and go to Rays and Dots where we are meeting some friends for a drink or two before we relocate for the night to Village Days in Greendale. Jess has a Red Bull and Vodka, I have a draft of Modelo and also order a couple beers for our friends. We leave Ray and Dots 45 minutes later spending only $18.00.
It is now about 9pm and we have spent $98.00.
We walk to Village Days in Greendale which is basically summed up by a beer tent and a band singing Usher and Lady Gaga. Beers are going for $3.50 a piece and I am ready to make it rain. Jess and her girlfriend go order the first round, not sure who paid and the night begins. The rest of the night we bought rounds, our friends bought rounds blah blah blah. About half way through the night I noticed that I knew one of the dudes serving beers in the tent, from that point on the only thing I spent money on was tipping.
Waking up in the morning was fine, no headache to speak of, Jess felt great and the sun was shining. Jess went through her purse I went through my wallet and I didnt even have a quarter. She also was coming up empty meaning that the $200.00 that was taken out for the entire weekend was spent in a 7 hour period.
Lets move into Saturday shall we.....Jess has a hair appointment at 11:30am which will probably cost somewhere between $130-$160. I actually don't want to know so I won't even ask. I sit in bed thinking to myself well I want to do something during her hair appointment. I wanted some "me time". This is what my "me time" consisted of. I went to the dry cleaners and spent $37.00. I went to go see a movie by myself $7.50 for the ticket, $9.00 at the concession stand. I got a soda and some Reeses Pieces and it was $9.00. After the movie I notice that the sun is shining and I really wanted to buy some sunglasses. I have wanted them for a few months now and decided that there was no better time than now to spend $126.00 on sunglasses, so that is exactly what I did. By 1pm on saturday afternoon I am into our checking account for $180.00 and that isn't even adding in Jess' hair did. Lets just say that Jessicas hair costed $130.00 that puts us at $310.00 at 1:30pm on Saturday afternoon.
Now it is time to get ready and go to State Fair for the afternoon. We bought 2 tickets from some random dude on the street for $16.00. We get in and Jess wants a corndog $5.00 and I want a beer. While I am getting a beer Jess says "while you are it get me a Mikes Hard Lemonade".....$11.25. We walk around for a little bit making fun of the people and I get another beer $5.25. At this point I get a text from my friend Phillip Hansen telling us that he is by a bar with his fiance. Jess and I scoot on over there. We order drinks for us and them and luckily they take credit cards because I didn't want to spend any more cash. 4 beers cost me a measley $21.00. As I am standing there talking to my friend I realize I still owed him $40.00 from his bachelor party the weekend before. I ask Jess if she has any cash left and she does, she has exactly $40.00. We hand that over to PJ so there are no hard feelings. Now we don't have any cash left and it is 6pm in the late afternoon. At this point we have now spent $100.00 at State Fair with the $40.00 I owed Phillip. Phil and Andrea bought the next round and we took off to another beer tent. On the way to the beer tent Jess saw an ATM and took out another $100.00 and was charged a $3.00 fee.
We get to the beer tent and I am ready to have some fun, to make a really long story short I bought a few rounds, Phil bought a few rounds, my boss bought a few rounds and I have probably put another $80.00 on my credit card by the time Phil and Andrea needed to head out. After Phil and Andrea leave it is now time for Jess and I to get down and eat some food.
Here is what we had:
Corndog
Gyros
Nachos
Cheese Curds
Brat
And another Corn dog
The next morning Jess has $30.00 left from the $100.00 she took out. I spent $80.00 on my credit card. Grand total at State Fair $250.00.
Grand total Friday = $200.00
Grand total Saturday = $560.00
$760.00 later and all we have to show for it is a pair of sunglasses and Jess' new bangs.
Can anyone say they spent more this weekend?
The best part about it is that Friday afternoon Jess emailed me and said "should I take out $100.00 for the weekend".
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Monday, July 30, 2012
25,000 Beers
The college experience means something different to every person who decides that they want 4-8 more years of classes, papers, lectures, projects and nonsense. Ideally the student would be done in four years and move on to their life in a cubicle, but for some of us it didn't happen this way. Some of us got caught up in the social atmosphere, the pizza, the 3 hour lunches in the cafeteria with 10 friends as well as the late night parties and beer drinking. I was one of those guys, the guy who wanted the booze. I had quite a thirst from the ages 18-23 and it needed to be quenched. My grades lacked, my class attendence varied from good to bad and from bad to worse. I did score 100% on one thing though, I never missed a party. I am not writing this to tell you how great of idea this was or to brag, I am just writing this because I am an idiot. I let the social aspect of college get the best of me. I made a ton of life long friends during these 5 years and I never met a beer I didn't like. I have told my story before and I will tell you all just one more time and I will take this to my grave. In college I consumed over 25,000 beers. Laugh if you will, tell me I didn't and I will tell you I did. We can argue back and forth if you want, I know in my heart the number is probably closer to 30,000, but I don't want to jump ahead of myself.
Let me break the numbers down for you before you continue to tell me this didn't happen.
365 days in 1 year(DUH) x 5.5 years in college = 2,007 days / 25,000 beers = 12.45 Beers per day.
I do agree, 12.45 beers per day sounds like crazy talk(psssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh) you have to remember I was in my absolute prime. From years 3-5 I warmeed up with a 12er before going to happy hour. There were plenty of nights I was at 20 by 11am and 27 by bar close. It just wouldn't stop, I didn't want it to stop. There were nights when I was devastated and heartbroken that the bar time lights would come on(but that only lasted for about 1 minute because I knew it was Rosas time).
LOOK- believe what you want, but there will never be a day in my life when you will tell me that this didn't happen. Question it, think about it, talk to your friends about it, but I am taking this one 6 feet deep.
Dorm beers + house party beers + UR house beers + happy hour beers + $5 all you can drink at the Huddle, Mainstreet and Pub beers + more beers = 25,000 beers
Rack ME.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Let me break the numbers down for you before you continue to tell me this didn't happen.
365 days in 1 year(DUH) x 5.5 years in college = 2,007 days / 25,000 beers = 12.45 Beers per day.
I do agree, 12.45 beers per day sounds like crazy talk(psssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh) you have to remember I was in my absolute prime. From years 3-5 I warmeed up with a 12er before going to happy hour. There were plenty of nights I was at 20 by 11am and 27 by bar close. It just wouldn't stop, I didn't want it to stop. There were nights when I was devastated and heartbroken that the bar time lights would come on(but that only lasted for about 1 minute because I knew it was Rosas time).
LOOK- believe what you want, but there will never be a day in my life when you will tell me that this didn't happen. Question it, think about it, talk to your friends about it, but I am taking this one 6 feet deep.
Dorm beers + house party beers + UR house beers + happy hour beers + $5 all you can drink at the Huddle, Mainstreet and Pub beers + more beers = 25,000 beers
Rack ME.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Girls Shoes
I understand being fashionable, putting on the leopard print, 9 inch peep toes, but I will never understand the point of spending a night on the town being completely uncomfortable. Amy Winters once told me "girls don't give a shit what men think about their outfits. They dress up to look better than other women". You know, I get this I really do. Women care about tons of things dudes don't give a shit about. Don't get me wrong, guys want to look nice, fashionable, but we are not about to twist an ankle for a pair of shoes. This is another reason why I would never trade being a guy for a girl. My wife has 98 pairs of shoes just like every other girl I know, they range from Nikes to comfortable to interesting to I might not want to wear these all night to I am just going to wear these and say F it, if they kill my feet then they kill my feet. It is funny to watch girls at weddings, they walk in feeling all good about their outfits and their shoes and one hour into dancing time every girl has exchanged her heels for a pair of flip flops or gone barefoot. What is the point, I say wear your Nikes to the wedding and really have fun, dance like a bastard and don't give a shit about what anyone is saying. Own those air maxes, tell people "bet you wish you had my shoes" while giving a sarcastic laugh. The truth of the matter is this will never happen, girls are a walking fashion show and have something to prove all the time.
The best part about shoes for a women is when you see them walking home the next morning carrying their shoes and wearing the dudes t-shirt that is eight times too big. That is when they realize that the shoes were all worth it.
I say girls do this....the next time you go to the bar put on a hoody, some jeans a pair of Nikes and enjoy your time with your friends. If you are looking to get a males attention I guarentee he will notice you wearing Air Max '95s before he notices you wearing your $100, uncomfortable heels from Aldo.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
The best part about shoes for a women is when you see them walking home the next morning carrying their shoes and wearing the dudes t-shirt that is eight times too big. That is when they realize that the shoes were all worth it.
I say girls do this....the next time you go to the bar put on a hoody, some jeans a pair of Nikes and enjoy your time with your friends. If you are looking to get a males attention I guarentee he will notice you wearing Air Max '95s before he notices you wearing your $100, uncomfortable heels from Aldo.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Country Music
Believe me when I say I want to like it, but I just can't. I dislike the twang, the fact that Scotty McCreery is relavant in country music actually makes me laugh. That dude is a no talent ass clown. Nothing brings down a fun party more than putting Kenny Chesney on the radio. I know I know everyone knows that I am a fan of hip hop. I will be the first to tell you that artists in hip hop have more talent than artists in country. You don't have to believe me, but it is true. Do yourself a favor sit in you cubicle and try to write a good rap and then try to write a country song. It will prove to you what I am trying to say. I know country music is hot right now, and although I own a George Straight cowboy hat it will never have me as a fan. JohnVarebrook missed my wedding reception to go to an Eric Church concert. That is another reason I hate country music. It makes your mind numb and makes people dress dumb(that was similar to a country music line). Are people going to be upset because of this blog....MAYBE, but it is my blog and I will say what I want. OPINION.
Country music fans take a few deep breathes and you will be ok.
PS- I have a terrible voice and when I mix in a little twang I sound amazing.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Country music fans take a few deep breathes and you will be ok.
PS- I have a terrible voice and when I mix in a little twang I sound amazing.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Pet Peeves
There are some things that drive me absolutely nuts, like to the point where I just become annoyed that I am annoyed by it. I wish I was just one of those "go with the flow" type people or a hippie who sees everything as beautiful....even a piece of poop in the middle of the street. The fact is I am not, I get annoyed very easily and it drives me crazy. I want to look in the sky and say "that is gorgeous" when in reality I look at the sky and say "what the F am I looking at the sky for". What drives you nuts? Here is a list of my pet peeves.
1) When I step on the back of my pants....LISTEN....I know I can change this, I have tried the "cuff" the "roll" the "cut" and no matter what it seems like my pants stretch just enough to find their way right under the heel of my shoe. It PISSES me off soooooooooooooo BAD. My blood pressure goes up everytime I even feel it. I can't explain it, but I know some of you deal with this as well.
2) When the volume from tv shows to commercials differs......Nothing more annoying than the volume constantly going up and then going down for 3 straight hours of television viewing. Everyone in the world hates this. Why can't it be fixed? Why does this even happen. Someone Google that shit.
3) When the person in front of you in an airplane needs to recline....Hey dipshit I am 6'3 and squeezed into this seat like a sardine as it is. Oh wait...you are 5'4 and need that extra room? F YOU! This usually results in multiple knees to the seat so that small bastard can't sleep at all. This goes for anybody reading this.....don't be a dickhead and recline your seat on an airplane. The extra 4 inches is only going to piss the person off in back of you.
4) When people talk in movie theatres......I actually want to cause bodily harm to these people. I hate them. I look at it this way, if you talk one time during a movie anyone sitting around you should have the right to punch you in the face. STFU!
5) When I see dudes "saggin" their pants to the point they are holding them up......Just do yourself and everyone else a favor and kill yourself. I also want to know why you are always wearing basketball shorts under your jeans. You look like a criminal and you should get the shit beat out of you by your parents.
6) The fact that it takes Ryan Braun 30 seconds to get in the batters box after every pitch....I like you Ryan... you are good, you are good looking, but CHRIST get back in the damn box. Don't walk 20 feet down the 3rd base line, tighten up your batting gloves, take a few dumb swings, cough, stretch, dig in and go. WE ARE WAITING. Unless you are batting .310 then you can do whatever you want and I will continue to wait. So in actuality this was dumb. Sorry.
7) When it is a weekend and someone says "I am going to lay low this weekend".....Hey cool, that sounds like the worst idea ever. If you are in a money crunch you find a different way to save. If you are tired you get some 5 Hour Energy. Don't act like you actually want to "lay low". I will tell you what... my wife and I say on Monday and Tuesday "ohhh we can just chill this weekend", but by Friday afternopn we are talking about Happy Hour and what kind of food we have at home for when we get home from the bar. Don't waste weekends and "lay low", you will be laying in dirt when you are dead....drink while you still can.
8) When you are on the phone with your mother, about to hang up and she keeps saying "I think I had one more thing to ask you". ACTUALLY, I just want to hang up.
9) When you are on your cell phone and you keep losing reception. LOOK- I don't give a shit what "G" you have....43G, 4G 8G, 107G just give me some damn reception so I don't have to keep looking at my phone everytime I cut in and out. We are probably all going to die of terrible cancer from all cell phone towers, but SHIT just let me finish a 30 second phone call.
10) When the person in line in front of you at Subway doesn't know how the line works. Listen MF'er it goes like this BREAD, CHEESE, VEGGIES, SAUCES, CHIPS, SODA, PAY, GET YOUR CHANGE, LEAVE. My blood pressure doubles when that same person pulls out the list of 5 subs they need to order for the people back at work. Either understand the line or go make a sandwich at home. It isn't that tough. I don't want to hate you, but I do.
I think most people can relate with at least a few of these. As I get older I am trying to keep my anxiety and blood pressure down. I don't want to be mad at such ridiculous things, I just want to smile and hold the door open for senior citizens. Life is easy, try to keep it that way.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
1) When I step on the back of my pants....LISTEN....I know I can change this, I have tried the "cuff" the "roll" the "cut" and no matter what it seems like my pants stretch just enough to find their way right under the heel of my shoe. It PISSES me off soooooooooooooo BAD. My blood pressure goes up everytime I even feel it. I can't explain it, but I know some of you deal with this as well.
2) When the volume from tv shows to commercials differs......Nothing more annoying than the volume constantly going up and then going down for 3 straight hours of television viewing. Everyone in the world hates this. Why can't it be fixed? Why does this even happen. Someone Google that shit.
3) When the person in front of you in an airplane needs to recline....Hey dipshit I am 6'3 and squeezed into this seat like a sardine as it is. Oh wait...you are 5'4 and need that extra room? F YOU! This usually results in multiple knees to the seat so that small bastard can't sleep at all. This goes for anybody reading this.....don't be a dickhead and recline your seat on an airplane. The extra 4 inches is only going to piss the person off in back of you.
4) When people talk in movie theatres......I actually want to cause bodily harm to these people. I hate them. I look at it this way, if you talk one time during a movie anyone sitting around you should have the right to punch you in the face. STFU!
5) When I see dudes "saggin" their pants to the point they are holding them up......Just do yourself and everyone else a favor and kill yourself. I also want to know why you are always wearing basketball shorts under your jeans. You look like a criminal and you should get the shit beat out of you by your parents.
6) The fact that it takes Ryan Braun 30 seconds to get in the batters box after every pitch....I like you Ryan... you are good, you are good looking, but CHRIST get back in the damn box. Don't walk 20 feet down the 3rd base line, tighten up your batting gloves, take a few dumb swings, cough, stretch, dig in and go. WE ARE WAITING. Unless you are batting .310 then you can do whatever you want and I will continue to wait. So in actuality this was dumb. Sorry.
7) When it is a weekend and someone says "I am going to lay low this weekend".....Hey cool, that sounds like the worst idea ever. If you are in a money crunch you find a different way to save. If you are tired you get some 5 Hour Energy. Don't act like you actually want to "lay low". I will tell you what... my wife and I say on Monday and Tuesday "ohhh we can just chill this weekend", but by Friday afternopn we are talking about Happy Hour and what kind of food we have at home for when we get home from the bar. Don't waste weekends and "lay low", you will be laying in dirt when you are dead....drink while you still can.
8) When you are on the phone with your mother, about to hang up and she keeps saying "I think I had one more thing to ask you". ACTUALLY, I just want to hang up.
9) When you are on your cell phone and you keep losing reception. LOOK- I don't give a shit what "G" you have....43G, 4G 8G, 107G just give me some damn reception so I don't have to keep looking at my phone everytime I cut in and out. We are probably all going to die of terrible cancer from all cell phone towers, but SHIT just let me finish a 30 second phone call.
10) When the person in line in front of you at Subway doesn't know how the line works. Listen MF'er it goes like this BREAD, CHEESE, VEGGIES, SAUCES, CHIPS, SODA, PAY, GET YOUR CHANGE, LEAVE. My blood pressure doubles when that same person pulls out the list of 5 subs they need to order for the people back at work. Either understand the line or go make a sandwich at home. It isn't that tough. I don't want to hate you, but I do.
I think most people can relate with at least a few of these. As I get older I am trying to keep my anxiety and blood pressure down. I don't want to be mad at such ridiculous things, I just want to smile and hold the door open for senior citizens. Life is easy, try to keep it that way.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
5 People I Wish Would Pass Away Today
I find myself saying "God I wish that person was dead" quite often. People are beginning to make me sick, like if I see them one more time I may just slit my wrists, start myself on fire and then run out in front of a semi. I don't know exactly what it is whether it is their smirks, smiles, lifestyles, glitz, glam, hair, cloths or if I am just jealous. Celebrities curse normal people, we see things we think are great, but are they? Today I am prepared to share with you the 5 people that need to leave earth ASAP.
5) Mike "The Situation" - is there a bigger waste of a human on the planet? He has the IQ of a bumble bee, terrible hair, I f'n hate the way he wears his sunglasses, I hate that he tans, I loathe that girls like him. I will admit he was initially funny, but now I am 32 and I hope he gets a terrible case of aids. Not Magic Johnson aids, real aids. Before he gets aids I hope he has a real painful surgery. I don't even know what that means, but that's what I hope.
4) Tammi- Maybe you know Tammi, maybe you don't. She is the former MTV reality star from The Real World, NBA basketball player Kenny Andersons ex-wife and currently on the most annoying show in the world Basketball Wives. First of all I want you to know she is a loud, foul mouthed whore who needs to be washed away in flowing volcano lava. I can respect people who don't hold back, who stand up for what they believe in, but this bitch takes it to a whole new level. I can't really even explain in words how happy I would be to hear that she died. First of all she looks like a dude. I would have more sympathy if she was pretty, but she is not, I am fairly certain she has a penis and pectoral muscles. I can't believe people sit and watch this garbage on TV.....yelling, screaming, cussing....it looks like an episode of Jerry Springer on steroids. F'N terrible. Die Tammi Die, I am rooting for you to DIE. Is that mean? If you think that is mean tune in to the next airing of Basketball Wives on VH1 and then get back to me. I say things that you think.
3) Amber(from Teen Mom)- There is nothing I hate more than someone being famous for being a whore. Amber, listen to me, you are a nothing, a nobody, your mom and dad probably don't even love you. I saw the way you treated Gary. I saw the episode where you beat the shit out of him while he helplessly defended himself. I will tell you what, I dare you to hit me like that. I am 100% against hitting a women, BUT Amber.......I will beat the piss out of you. If I ever see you I am going to run directly at you tackle you and hurt you. As I do it I will be yelling "THIS IS FOR GARY, THIS IS FOR GARY". You think you can just get away with verbally and physically abusing someone. I am glad you are in and out of rehab. I hope you put so many drugs in your body that you just completely shut down. I hope at some point you put the needle in your arm for the last time. I hope you stop breathing my air very soon you pile of shit. Glad I got that out.
2) Kim Kardashian- Yes, I know you are pretty.....that being said you are a whore. I hate the way you talk, I hate your mom, I hate that little girls around the world look up to a lady who is famous for having sex with Ray-J on tape. Because of it you get to reap the benefits, you get free cloths, shoes, hair, make up from all the best designers. You make it hard for parents to show their children what real life is because your GD TV show is on E ever GD minute of the day. I want to start a petiton for the people of the world to boycott anything Kardashian(except Bruce). I can't wait for the day the I wake up and the top story on the news is that Bruce Jenner killed Kris, Scott killed Courtney, Khloe can stay because she is actually normal and I like Lamar........but nothing will make me happier than the day top stories on Yahoo News says "Kim Kardashian is dead, Humphries in custody". I am counting down the days. Make my dreams come true. Make this happen.
1) The Real Housewives of ANY city- I don't know any of your names except NeNe and that dude who wears high heels Dwight. My wife watches you religiously and I hope nothing but the worst for every single person on that show, the people involved with the show, writers, producers....WHATEVER. I want there to a Real Housewives reunion where all of you are in one grand ballroom at one time. Then like a bad horror movie I hope everyone starts gettting gutted. I know it is terrible, the way I am speaking is horrible, but I have never wanted anything so bad in my life. You all are an annoyance to the USA because people actually waste their own presious time to tune into the 1 hour screaming match weekly. Take your glamerous life that you actually hate and do everyone a favor......PASS AWAY ASAP.
I know this blog today is harsh, it was meant to be that way. Look at the five people I listed and try to tell me I am wrong for wishing they were covered in dirt. I apologize if I offended some of you, but this blog isn't going to be puppy dogs and Ice Cream all the time.
PS- I would like all of these peoples money though.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
5) Mike "The Situation" - is there a bigger waste of a human on the planet? He has the IQ of a bumble bee, terrible hair, I f'n hate the way he wears his sunglasses, I hate that he tans, I loathe that girls like him. I will admit he was initially funny, but now I am 32 and I hope he gets a terrible case of aids. Not Magic Johnson aids, real aids. Before he gets aids I hope he has a real painful surgery. I don't even know what that means, but that's what I hope.
4) Tammi- Maybe you know Tammi, maybe you don't. She is the former MTV reality star from The Real World, NBA basketball player Kenny Andersons ex-wife and currently on the most annoying show in the world Basketball Wives. First of all I want you to know she is a loud, foul mouthed whore who needs to be washed away in flowing volcano lava. I can respect people who don't hold back, who stand up for what they believe in, but this bitch takes it to a whole new level. I can't really even explain in words how happy I would be to hear that she died. First of all she looks like a dude. I would have more sympathy if she was pretty, but she is not, I am fairly certain she has a penis and pectoral muscles. I can't believe people sit and watch this garbage on TV.....yelling, screaming, cussing....it looks like an episode of Jerry Springer on steroids. F'N terrible. Die Tammi Die, I am rooting for you to DIE. Is that mean? If you think that is mean tune in to the next airing of Basketball Wives on VH1 and then get back to me. I say things that you think.
3) Amber(from Teen Mom)- There is nothing I hate more than someone being famous for being a whore. Amber, listen to me, you are a nothing, a nobody, your mom and dad probably don't even love you. I saw the way you treated Gary. I saw the episode where you beat the shit out of him while he helplessly defended himself. I will tell you what, I dare you to hit me like that. I am 100% against hitting a women, BUT Amber.......I will beat the piss out of you. If I ever see you I am going to run directly at you tackle you and hurt you. As I do it I will be yelling "THIS IS FOR GARY, THIS IS FOR GARY". You think you can just get away with verbally and physically abusing someone. I am glad you are in and out of rehab. I hope you put so many drugs in your body that you just completely shut down. I hope at some point you put the needle in your arm for the last time. I hope you stop breathing my air very soon you pile of shit. Glad I got that out.
2) Kim Kardashian- Yes, I know you are pretty.....that being said you are a whore. I hate the way you talk, I hate your mom, I hate that little girls around the world look up to a lady who is famous for having sex with Ray-J on tape. Because of it you get to reap the benefits, you get free cloths, shoes, hair, make up from all the best designers. You make it hard for parents to show their children what real life is because your GD TV show is on E ever GD minute of the day. I want to start a petiton for the people of the world to boycott anything Kardashian(except Bruce). I can't wait for the day the I wake up and the top story on the news is that Bruce Jenner killed Kris, Scott killed Courtney, Khloe can stay because she is actually normal and I like Lamar........but nothing will make me happier than the day top stories on Yahoo News says "Kim Kardashian is dead, Humphries in custody". I am counting down the days. Make my dreams come true. Make this happen.
1) The Real Housewives of ANY city- I don't know any of your names except NeNe and that dude who wears high heels Dwight. My wife watches you religiously and I hope nothing but the worst for every single person on that show, the people involved with the show, writers, producers....WHATEVER. I want there to a Real Housewives reunion where all of you are in one grand ballroom at one time. Then like a bad horror movie I hope everyone starts gettting gutted. I know it is terrible, the way I am speaking is horrible, but I have never wanted anything so bad in my life. You all are an annoyance to the USA because people actually waste their own presious time to tune into the 1 hour screaming match weekly. Take your glamerous life that you actually hate and do everyone a favor......PASS AWAY ASAP.
I know this blog today is harsh, it was meant to be that way. Look at the five people I listed and try to tell me I am wrong for wishing they were covered in dirt. I apologize if I offended some of you, but this blog isn't going to be puppy dogs and Ice Cream all the time.
PS- I would like all of these peoples money though.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Monday, July 16, 2012
Questions I ask myself daily.
I have some time on my hands at work, and I always seem to think of some bizzare shit. I mean, some people think I am a little off as it is, some people think I am just funny, my wife seems to think I am an idiot, my best friend Jay Lorino torments me daily with comments that I do not believe are printable......whatever I may be I do tend to entertain myself. Here is a list of questions I have thought about over the past few weeks. Ask yourself if you have ever thought about the same thing.
1) What does Zac Efron smells like?
2) Why does the sun lighten your hair but darken your skin?
3) Why do people tell you when they are speechless?
4) How tired are fish?
5) How would you kill the Kardashian family?
6) If you were Matthew Mcconauhey would you ever wear a shirt?
7) Why do most people laugh at me, but my wife looks at me and shakes her head?
8) How far could you run if the person running behind you was going to kill you once you stopped?
9) How much could you eat for 1 million dollars?
10) How do braces know which direction to take your teeth?
11) How skinny would you be if food had the opposite affect on you and made you skinny?
12) If there is a God why doesn't he just make everyone perfect? Why would he give any guy a small pee pee?
13) Why do girls always use the "I was so drunk and I don't remember" excuse when I cheated on my boyfriend? And if you don't remember than why do you have uncontrollable anxiety? And if your dude finds out why would they ever take you back?
14) Do guys take pictures of themselves in the car also?
15) Does anyone ever really feel like they love themselves? If so how long do you think about it or does it just go away one second later?
I know, I know some are weird, some are just plain dumb, but I think about this stuff. I will answer a few before I sign off.
1) He smells like Dolche and Gabanna cologne, expensive shampoo and doves. I am also fairly sure he doesn't sweat and if he does it just makes him more beautiful.
5) I would hire Bruce Jenner, he hates them all as it is.
6) Not a chance in hell. He doesn't even need to purchase a cheese grater.
8) 3-4 blocks. That's all I got then I would just turn around and say "Kill me".
9) Challenge me.
12) Because the world is based on averages....which is DUMB.
14) I have done it, but I promise to never do it again. I swear to God!
Enjoy your Mondays and stay amazing.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
1) What does Zac Efron smells like?
2) Why does the sun lighten your hair but darken your skin?
3) Why do people tell you when they are speechless?
4) How tired are fish?
5) How would you kill the Kardashian family?
6) If you were Matthew Mcconauhey would you ever wear a shirt?
7) Why do most people laugh at me, but my wife looks at me and shakes her head?
8) How far could you run if the person running behind you was going to kill you once you stopped?
9) How much could you eat for 1 million dollars?
10) How do braces know which direction to take your teeth?
11) How skinny would you be if food had the opposite affect on you and made you skinny?
12) If there is a God why doesn't he just make everyone perfect? Why would he give any guy a small pee pee?
13) Why do girls always use the "I was so drunk and I don't remember" excuse when I cheated on my boyfriend? And if you don't remember than why do you have uncontrollable anxiety? And if your dude finds out why would they ever take you back?
14) Do guys take pictures of themselves in the car also?
15) Does anyone ever really feel like they love themselves? If so how long do you think about it or does it just go away one second later?
I know, I know some are weird, some are just plain dumb, but I think about this stuff. I will answer a few before I sign off.
1) He smells like Dolche and Gabanna cologne, expensive shampoo and doves. I am also fairly sure he doesn't sweat and if he does it just makes him more beautiful.
5) I would hire Bruce Jenner, he hates them all as it is.
6) Not a chance in hell. He doesn't even need to purchase a cheese grater.
8) 3-4 blocks. That's all I got then I would just turn around and say "Kill me".
9) Challenge me.
12) Because the world is based on averages....which is DUMB.
14) I have done it, but I promise to never do it again. I swear to God!
Enjoy your Mondays and stay amazing.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Cubicle Life
I love when people try to act like they dont work in a cubicle, like there is something wrong with it. Some of us just weren't born for the bigtime corner office, and most of us don't care. We have somehow become happy with our shitty job and shitty insurance and shitty everything else. There is no doubt the working world is exactly like Groundhog day, the only thing that is different with me is sometimes when I stop for my morning fountain soda from McDs I get a egg Mcmuffin and sometimes I don't. Otherwise I wake up at 7:20am, get in the shower, put on cloths, stop for a soda and go to work. Around 11am I go to Speedway on 9th and Lincoln get 44 more ounces of fun and come back to my cube. I call myself the "Operations Manager" but in all actuality I am a glorified dispatcher and brokering agent. I feel that calling myself the Operations Manager I will make myself sound better to the people I speak with. The honest truth is you just make yourself look like a dick once they realize that you aren't important. If you are in customer service just own it, don't make up some bullshit name that makes you sound more important. We all know you make 32K per year and I promise I will not judge you. We should all just be happy to be employed at this point. The job market blows, the economy sucks and I still blame everything I can on George W. Bush, he seems to be the perfect scapegoat. You know what F Obama too. I haven't seen shit "CHANGE". Enough about that.......if you are 32 like me and still work in a cubicle it isn't going to change. OWN it, love it, provide for you and your family and call it a day. Don't try to be something you are not. The world needs people like us, not everyone can push a Benz, not everyone can have a 3,000 sq. ft house. My wife and I both work full time jobs and we have a modest 3 bedroom house in Greendale that we are very proud of. The yard is currently brown as hell and one cigarette ash away from going up in smoke, but I wouldn't trade it. It feels like home and we aren't trying to front. So many people want to live a life that isn't real. Guess what dumb asses, it isn't going to happen. Milwaukee County is not The Real Housewives of Orange County. Go to your cubicle, enjoy your life and stop telling people "you are just getting experience to move up into the mangement position". You aren't doing shit without a Masters, a PHD blah blah blah. I got a bachelors degree in communications, I mine as well gotten a bachelors in becoming Magic Mike. I would make a lot more money. I mine as well given 25K in education fees to the homeless guy under the bridge. OWN your life. This blog is for the strong cubicle worker, the one who says "I work in a 7x7 and I don't give a shit".
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Monday, July 9, 2012
Boys 1-10
1. Anytime your wife/girlfriend says "you can have a boys night if you want" we are going to accept and we are going to attempt to drink the most we have ever drank.
2. 80% of dudes gamble or have gambled on sports. If your bank account looks low ask your dude if he is gambling. When he says "NO" he means "Yes".
3. 30 year old dudes who wear Abercrombie or Hollister probably date girls who are still in high school and they love telling their friends how awesome it is.
4. A dude never actually wants to leave the bar. So when a girls asks "are you ready" or "should we leave" just know that he doesn't want to, but will so it doesn't start a fight.
5. Dudes who wear cutoffs anywhere besides the gym or to play basketball just want to show of their tattoos and be told "those are some rad tats". Unless you are Nate Showers, he has rocked cutoffs way before tattoos. He just does.
6. If a guy actually waits 2-3 days to text you after he met you he doesn't like you. If it is the 3rd day just know that he has been texting other girls and you are the back up plan. If he really liked you there would be no reason not to at least say "hello" the next day. Not interested, try again.
7. If you are a guy who "loves" to cuddle you were not loved enough a kid growing up. Cuddling for a guy is not comfortable. It is hot, sticky and the girls hair is itchy and in your mouth. My wife won't get mad at me for saying this because we argue about it 4-5 times per week. It doesn't mean I don't love her, it simply means I want to be comfortable. That's all. If your dude gets pissed about cuddeling it isn;t just him. It is 98% of dudes.
8. If a dude loves to talk about how big his penis is it is actually small. Simple.
9. Dudes don't want to go out for romantic dinners unless it is an anniversary or a birthday. We would like to go to BW3s all the time. SO when you ask your dude if he wants to get super dressed up and go out somewhere nice we say YES, but we mean NO. Unless we have a gift certificate that someone gave us as a gift.
10. No dude is honest when your girl asks "how does this look on me"? Of course we are going to say "it looks great, you have never looked better". But if you are questioning it, believe me, the guy is questioning it too.
We could go on and on with these lists, but this is just a quick 10.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
PS- cutoffs can also be worn by dudes who are actually fans of Nascar.
2. 80% of dudes gamble or have gambled on sports. If your bank account looks low ask your dude if he is gambling. When he says "NO" he means "Yes".
3. 30 year old dudes who wear Abercrombie or Hollister probably date girls who are still in high school and they love telling their friends how awesome it is.
4. A dude never actually wants to leave the bar. So when a girls asks "are you ready" or "should we leave" just know that he doesn't want to, but will so it doesn't start a fight.
5. Dudes who wear cutoffs anywhere besides the gym or to play basketball just want to show of their tattoos and be told "those are some rad tats". Unless you are Nate Showers, he has rocked cutoffs way before tattoos. He just does.
6. If a guy actually waits 2-3 days to text you after he met you he doesn't like you. If it is the 3rd day just know that he has been texting other girls and you are the back up plan. If he really liked you there would be no reason not to at least say "hello" the next day. Not interested, try again.
7. If you are a guy who "loves" to cuddle you were not loved enough a kid growing up. Cuddling for a guy is not comfortable. It is hot, sticky and the girls hair is itchy and in your mouth. My wife won't get mad at me for saying this because we argue about it 4-5 times per week. It doesn't mean I don't love her, it simply means I want to be comfortable. That's all. If your dude gets pissed about cuddeling it isn;t just him. It is 98% of dudes.
8. If a dude loves to talk about how big his penis is it is actually small. Simple.
9. Dudes don't want to go out for romantic dinners unless it is an anniversary or a birthday. We would like to go to BW3s all the time. SO when you ask your dude if he wants to get super dressed up and go out somewhere nice we say YES, but we mean NO. Unless we have a gift certificate that someone gave us as a gift.
10. No dude is honest when your girl asks "how does this look on me"? Of course we are going to say "it looks great, you have never looked better". But if you are questioning it, believe me, the guy is questioning it too.
We could go on and on with these lists, but this is just a quick 10.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
PS- cutoffs can also be worn by dudes who are actually fans of Nascar.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Girls 1-10
Here is my take on girls/women.
1. When in a group they are always talking about another group or girl who "isn't as hot as us".
2. They are always talking about someone in "their" group behind their back.
Example "what the hell is (insert name here) wearing, she looks fat". Just so you know all the girls reading this have been talked about by multiple friends.
3. They are always more hungry than they lead on. They were secretly wishing that the salad they ordered at dinner was a double burger with cheese, mayo and a bucket of fries.
4. They can't stand the girl in their group who gets hammered everytime they go out, but inside they actually want to be her.
5. Your one friend who wears the super slutty "go out" outfit is actually less slutty than everyone who is judging her. The person you least expect to be a whore is always the whore.
6. The line "wtf is she wearing" actually means I tried that on today at Macys and it didn't fit.
7. When you are on a date and the girl says "I have to go to the bathroom" it actually means the date is lame and they are quickly going to text their friends to see what is going on tonight. This is followed by her coming back to the table and faking an illness because she got the text back that said "hell yeah girly, we are going to Rogues tonight and we are going to get all dressed up and get on some hot dudes".
8. When a girl talks about how great their relationship is and how in love they are, it is all bullshit and these are the girls who are constantly fighting with their dude. Normal relationships have fights and it isn't always a cinderella story. Stop trying to front.
9. If you have one picture on Facebook doing the "duck face" that you took yourslef you are extremely lonely.
10. The girl who constantly changes plans and ditches you is the girl who everyone always wants to hang with and you will soon find out that girl is a cutter and a mental case.
Just some observations I have made throughout the years, I dare you to tell me I am wrong on any of these. DOUBLE F"N DARE.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
1. When in a group they are always talking about another group or girl who "isn't as hot as us".
2. They are always talking about someone in "their" group behind their back.
Example "what the hell is (insert name here) wearing, she looks fat". Just so you know all the girls reading this have been talked about by multiple friends.
3. They are always more hungry than they lead on. They were secretly wishing that the salad they ordered at dinner was a double burger with cheese, mayo and a bucket of fries.
4. They can't stand the girl in their group who gets hammered everytime they go out, but inside they actually want to be her.
5. Your one friend who wears the super slutty "go out" outfit is actually less slutty than everyone who is judging her. The person you least expect to be a whore is always the whore.
6. The line "wtf is she wearing" actually means I tried that on today at Macys and it didn't fit.
7. When you are on a date and the girl says "I have to go to the bathroom" it actually means the date is lame and they are quickly going to text their friends to see what is going on tonight. This is followed by her coming back to the table and faking an illness because she got the text back that said "hell yeah girly, we are going to Rogues tonight and we are going to get all dressed up and get on some hot dudes".
8. When a girl talks about how great their relationship is and how in love they are, it is all bullshit and these are the girls who are constantly fighting with their dude. Normal relationships have fights and it isn't always a cinderella story. Stop trying to front.
9. If you have one picture on Facebook doing the "duck face" that you took yourslef you are extremely lonely.
10. The girl who constantly changes plans and ditches you is the girl who everyone always wants to hang with and you will soon find out that girl is a cutter and a mental case.
Just some observations I have made throughout the years, I dare you to tell me I am wrong on any of these. DOUBLE F"N DARE.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Friday, June 29, 2012
The "I'm Too Busy" Excuse
You know what I am 32, I now have a wife and 2 stepkids I understand what it is like to be busy. Always on the go, constantly picking up or dropping off, making meals, drinking, watching tv, etc. Busy is a way of life, but you have to learn to multitask. I find it incrediably disrepectful when I text someone or call someone and they don't call or text back. Then they hit you with this excuse "sorry I am sooo busy". Guess what dick, so is the rest of the world, but the difference between you and I is I am respectful and will put myself in danger to return your text. If that means driving with my knees, stopping another face to face conversation, or during a sporting event you are going to get that text back. Don't bigtime me, don't act like you didn't see my text, save the bullshit. I love when people say "dude, I never got your text" then they look through their phone with you standing right in front of them like they are a lost puppy and don't know what possibly could have happened. BULLSHIT. I am on to you, I see right through you. Let me tell you what happened, you got the text, you read the text, and you didn't return the text because you were trying to see what your other friends were doing first. If you text someone and they don't text you back they are trying to make other plans that you weren't invited to. Sometimes I even amaze myself with my knowledge. I am on to everyone, don't try and get anything by me, it CAN'T happen.
When you aren't receiving a text back from someone refer to this blog. You aren't cool enough for that person this weekend. Maybe next weekend when they don't have shit to do.
Just remember when you are out partying and taking pictures this weekend they will always make their way onto Facebook....you will get found out, there will be a picture of you in the background looking at your phone. You are actually probably looking at a text that says "Hey, what's going on tonight"?
You are a bad friend and you should go play Frogger on I-94.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
When you aren't receiving a text back from someone refer to this blog. You aren't cool enough for that person this weekend. Maybe next weekend when they don't have shit to do.
Just remember when you are out partying and taking pictures this weekend they will always make their way onto Facebook....you will get found out, there will be a picture of you in the background looking at your phone. You are actually probably looking at a text that says "Hey, what's going on tonight"?
You are a bad friend and you should go play Frogger on I-94.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Soda & Food
I will be the first to admit I probably drink too much soda, but I love it, it is a part of me. I actually get a high going through the McDs drive-thru just to order a Diet Coke. I don't tell you what to drink and eat, I am sure some doctor somewhere will tell you that drinking 18 cups of coffee and eating only meat is terrible for you, but if you like it and you are happy then I am all for it. These days it seems like everyone is a doctor(Jay Lorino) and they push facts down your throat. You know what I want pushed down my throat right now(EASY Jay)......I want more f'n soda. I want to bathe is soda, then I want to tell you how good it is while you tell me that it slows down your metabolism by 3%. Guess what....I don't CARE. I am married now and whether I become more obese than I already am she said "I do" through thick and thin(literally). She is stuck with me and that's that. People who are constantly telling you how to live your life just need to live theirs. I applaud most people who eat Burger King everyday. Guess what....they are happy as shit as they take in their 4000 calorie meal, while you sit at home and complain about the salad you are eating. Then you leave the dinner table and complain more about still being hungry. Sure, there is a good way to eat and a bad way to eat, my take is you just have to be happy. Maybe get a little of both. I love when people make it a point to tell me they havent had a soda since 2007. Guess what.....you suck and so does your life. Everyone needs a f'n Coca Cola classic in their life. The carbination burn is like heroin to me. I have never done heroin so dont think that.
My goal from this blog is to let you know that at some point you are going to die, whether you have a 6 pack or a keg, fat or skinny you are still going to die. Be happy and don't let other people tell you how to live.
I love when people say "OMG you drank on a Monday night"
"Ummmmmmmmmmm yes I did and I loved it, I had waaaaay more fun than you".
I am not here to make you happy, I am here to make my wife, and stepdaughters happy. Live your life and I will live mine.
Jay Lorino contrary to what you think this was not written about you, I mean you were the main influence, but this is for all the health experts and doctors out there who work in a cubicle.
Hug and Handpounds,
Czar
My goal from this blog is to let you know that at some point you are going to die, whether you have a 6 pack or a keg, fat or skinny you are still going to die. Be happy and don't let other people tell you how to live.
I love when people say "OMG you drank on a Monday night"
"Ummmmmmmmmmm yes I did and I loved it, I had waaaaay more fun than you".
I am not here to make you happy, I am here to make my wife, and stepdaughters happy. Live your life and I will live mine.
Jay Lorino contrary to what you think this was not written about you, I mean you were the main influence, but this is for all the health experts and doctors out there who work in a cubicle.
Hug and Handpounds,
Czar
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Facebook Status'
I know, I know I am the king of Facebook status'. In return I hope to give you a little chuckle while you think about killing yourself at work. The problem with the world isn't Obama or that George W. Bush and Osama Bin Laden got together and planned the terrorist attacks on 9/11. The problem with the world is that everyone has lost their sense of humor and nothing can even make you crack a smile anymore. I laugh all day, I am happy all day.......UNTIL.......
Top 3 Facebook Status' that piss me off.
1) You tell me that you are working out. What are you looking for from me? Do you want me to run over to Cardinal Fitness and tell you congrats? I just don't get it, the most in-shape people I know don't tell the world they are going to workout. I am not going to "like" your status, I am actually going to laugh at you because you want people to tell you "good job". Not ME. I am obese, it is my job to first become just fat, overweight, thick, portly, skinny. I am not going to get motivated by telling my friends I am working out. I am going to get motivated knowing that if I workout it won't be that bad if I have a double whopper with cheese, fries, and a soda.
2) The newborn baby questions....OMFG! Have you ever heard of Google? Or maybe just simply asking your mom, sister, aunt, friends, blah blah blah. Does anyone have a recommendation for a baby whose teeth are coming in? Yes, my recommendation is you STFU and read a book about it. I can only take one more post about diaper rash before I throw my computer off my desk. How do you think your mom and her mom managed without Facebook. I will tell you how, they took a old t-shirt and wrapped it around their kid for a diaper, then when their kid shit in that thing, they washed it with their hands and put it back on. Teething- give the kid a shot of bourban and call it a day. I am not on Facebook to tell you that if you wash your kids hair everyday with shampoo and conditioner you may not be allowing the natural oils to settle. I am on Facebook to make you laugh and cause some controversy. I probably would like your kid, but chances are I will never meet him and I don't care about his teeth, or their dry scalp or the fact that you can't drop your baby weight.
3) Bitching about your significant other via Facebook status. Nothing makes you look more crazy than doing this. By the time I am done reading your status, not only do I want to delete you, I first want to tell you that you are CRAZY. Maybe your ass is the reason he is doing all this stuff. Maybe you have pushed him to the edge, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Always quick to point out that "he don't pay child support, he doesn't see his kid".....the reason is because he probably doesn't want to come within 1000 feet of YOUR stank ass. One thing after another has driven him/her to the brink of losing it. If you are posting things that are "NEGATIVE" about your relationship than I suggest not posting them at all. Everyone is talking, texting, emailing behind your back laughing about how crazy you are. Believe me people talk about you, I will admit I talk about you, probably not to your face, but behind your back.
I hope this pisses a lot of people off, but then they realize that I am just doing it for their own good. Bottom line is people, I don't care to see pics of your food or hear about how much you hate your job. Negative people need to stay away from people like me. I want to laugh, smile, drink and be sarcastic. My friends get me, my wife gets me and that's all that matters. Cheers to pissed off people.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Top 3 Facebook Status' that piss me off.
1) You tell me that you are working out. What are you looking for from me? Do you want me to run over to Cardinal Fitness and tell you congrats? I just don't get it, the most in-shape people I know don't tell the world they are going to workout. I am not going to "like" your status, I am actually going to laugh at you because you want people to tell you "good job". Not ME. I am obese, it is my job to first become just fat, overweight, thick, portly, skinny. I am not going to get motivated by telling my friends I am working out. I am going to get motivated knowing that if I workout it won't be that bad if I have a double whopper with cheese, fries, and a soda.
2) The newborn baby questions....OMFG! Have you ever heard of Google? Or maybe just simply asking your mom, sister, aunt, friends, blah blah blah. Does anyone have a recommendation for a baby whose teeth are coming in? Yes, my recommendation is you STFU and read a book about it. I can only take one more post about diaper rash before I throw my computer off my desk. How do you think your mom and her mom managed without Facebook. I will tell you how, they took a old t-shirt and wrapped it around their kid for a diaper, then when their kid shit in that thing, they washed it with their hands and put it back on. Teething- give the kid a shot of bourban and call it a day. I am not on Facebook to tell you that if you wash your kids hair everyday with shampoo and conditioner you may not be allowing the natural oils to settle. I am on Facebook to make you laugh and cause some controversy. I probably would like your kid, but chances are I will never meet him and I don't care about his teeth, or their dry scalp or the fact that you can't drop your baby weight.
3) Bitching about your significant other via Facebook status. Nothing makes you look more crazy than doing this. By the time I am done reading your status, not only do I want to delete you, I first want to tell you that you are CRAZY. Maybe your ass is the reason he is doing all this stuff. Maybe you have pushed him to the edge, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Always quick to point out that "he don't pay child support, he doesn't see his kid".....the reason is because he probably doesn't want to come within 1000 feet of YOUR stank ass. One thing after another has driven him/her to the brink of losing it. If you are posting things that are "NEGATIVE" about your relationship than I suggest not posting them at all. Everyone is talking, texting, emailing behind your back laughing about how crazy you are. Believe me people talk about you, I will admit I talk about you, probably not to your face, but behind your back.
I hope this pisses a lot of people off, but then they realize that I am just doing it for their own good. Bottom line is people, I don't care to see pics of your food or hear about how much you hate your job. Negative people need to stay away from people like me. I want to laugh, smile, drink and be sarcastic. My friends get me, my wife gets me and that's all that matters. Cheers to pissed off people.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Friday, June 22, 2012
Skinny Jeans on Dudes.
Well Well Well, it has been a damn long time since I have talked to my 49 followers so I figure I should drop some poop on your doorstep.
Over the past few years I have noticed dudes wearing skinny jeans and this trend has been becoming more amd more the norm. Someone please try to help me understand WHY? I seriously do NOT understand it. As a male you are suppose to want to feel manly, grabbing your nuts, let people know who you are, the people you roll with, let people know not to f*&^ with you. Before I rant even more, believe me, I know my fat ass ain't getting in a pair of skinny jeans, this is not why I ask my question. I ask this question because whether you are emo, artsy, skater, hip-hop or all of those put together I think you look stupid. There is one dude I know who an wear skinny jeans and that is Erik Magyar and the only reason is because I like him. He is the only dude I know who can wear skinny jeans with a Brewers jersey and not have it look completely awkward.
We all know artsy kids just want to be different, they aren't understood, or maybe they choose not to be understood, so they wear skinny jeans, combat boots and when you walk by them on the streets your first thought is Columbine. Tell me you don't. You know you can spot the dude wearing mascara from 2 blocks away and the best and safest idea is to take an alternate route because that person already hates the world and you know it.
I know...if I was skinny I would think differently. NO I F'N wouldn't.
When I was growing up hip hop was about pushing weight, shootin' people, rollin' blizzos, and real motha f'n G's. Now we got Kanye out on stage in some skinny jeans and a t-shirt with a koala bear on it. What happened to wearing jeans that were 7 times to big for you and bangin' that FUBU shirt? What happened to wearing a Kings hat, some Lugz and Hugo Boss jeans that were so big your grandpa said "I could fit in those jeans with you". That's hip hop to me. I recently saw a pic of my favorite rapper Jay-Z standing in the middle of NYC in some skinny jeans. A part of me died. The moment I saw that picture I thought to myself "Tupac wouldn't be caught dead in skinny jeans and if he saw this picture on TMZ.com he would have been in the studio writing a diss track".
I know...if I was skinny I would think differently. NO I F'N wouldn't.
There is nobody in the world who I have a bigger problem than the "the overweight emo/artsy dude" in skinny jeans. Dude, it is a terrible look. When your thighs are rubbing together you have no right putting skinny jeans on. The thing is when the overweight, emo dude has skinny jeans on he is usually rockin' a t-shirt that is four times too small as well, causing an exposure of an ass crack that hasn't been washed for 4-5 days because emo people are greasy and refuse to live by clean person code.
I know...if I was skinny I would think differently, No I F'N wouldn't.
Believe me people, I get it, contrary to what you think I do understand fashion and if I could fit into some 32x32s I would, but they would have some material to work with. My thing has been polos, jeans and boat shoes for years. That isn't going to change. Basketball shorts and air maxes, not skinny jeans and a ten speed. If I rolled over to my parents house for a Sunday dinner in a pair of skinnies my dad would tell me to go back home and try again.
I don't want to you to think I am insensitive and I am a dick for thinking like this, I just don't understand it......UNLESS you have a HUGE penis. Then I get it.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Over the past few years I have noticed dudes wearing skinny jeans and this trend has been becoming more amd more the norm. Someone please try to help me understand WHY? I seriously do NOT understand it. As a male you are suppose to want to feel manly, grabbing your nuts, let people know who you are, the people you roll with, let people know not to f*&^ with you. Before I rant even more, believe me, I know my fat ass ain't getting in a pair of skinny jeans, this is not why I ask my question. I ask this question because whether you are emo, artsy, skater, hip-hop or all of those put together I think you look stupid. There is one dude I know who an wear skinny jeans and that is Erik Magyar and the only reason is because I like him. He is the only dude I know who can wear skinny jeans with a Brewers jersey and not have it look completely awkward.
We all know artsy kids just want to be different, they aren't understood, or maybe they choose not to be understood, so they wear skinny jeans, combat boots and when you walk by them on the streets your first thought is Columbine. Tell me you don't. You know you can spot the dude wearing mascara from 2 blocks away and the best and safest idea is to take an alternate route because that person already hates the world and you know it.
I know...if I was skinny I would think differently. NO I F'N wouldn't.
When I was growing up hip hop was about pushing weight, shootin' people, rollin' blizzos, and real motha f'n G's. Now we got Kanye out on stage in some skinny jeans and a t-shirt with a koala bear on it. What happened to wearing jeans that were 7 times to big for you and bangin' that FUBU shirt? What happened to wearing a Kings hat, some Lugz and Hugo Boss jeans that were so big your grandpa said "I could fit in those jeans with you". That's hip hop to me. I recently saw a pic of my favorite rapper Jay-Z standing in the middle of NYC in some skinny jeans. A part of me died. The moment I saw that picture I thought to myself "Tupac wouldn't be caught dead in skinny jeans and if he saw this picture on TMZ.com he would have been in the studio writing a diss track".
I know...if I was skinny I would think differently. NO I F'N wouldn't.
There is nobody in the world who I have a bigger problem than the "the overweight emo/artsy dude" in skinny jeans. Dude, it is a terrible look. When your thighs are rubbing together you have no right putting skinny jeans on. The thing is when the overweight, emo dude has skinny jeans on he is usually rockin' a t-shirt that is four times too small as well, causing an exposure of an ass crack that hasn't been washed for 4-5 days because emo people are greasy and refuse to live by clean person code.
I know...if I was skinny I would think differently, No I F'N wouldn't.
Believe me people, I get it, contrary to what you think I do understand fashion and if I could fit into some 32x32s I would, but they would have some material to work with. My thing has been polos, jeans and boat shoes for years. That isn't going to change. Basketball shorts and air maxes, not skinny jeans and a ten speed. If I rolled over to my parents house for a Sunday dinner in a pair of skinnies my dad would tell me to go back home and try again.
I don't want to you to think I am insensitive and I am a dick for thinking like this, I just don't understand it......UNLESS you have a HUGE penis. Then I get it.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
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