Skinny Jeans on Dudes.

Well Well Well, it has been a damn long time since I have talked to my 49 followers so I figure I should drop some poop on your doorstep. 

Over the past few years I have noticed dudes wearing skinny jeans and this trend has been becoming more amd more the norm.  Someone please try to help me understand WHY?  I seriously do NOT understand it.  As a male you are suppose to want to feel manly, grabbing your nuts, let people know who you are, the people you roll with, let people know not to f*&^ with you.  Before I rant even more, believe me, I know my fat ass ain't getting in a pair of skinny jeans, this is not why I ask my question.  I ask this question because whether you are emo, artsy, skater, hip-hop or all of those put together I think you look stupid.  There is one dude I know who an wear skinny jeans and that is Erik Magyar and the only reason is because I like him.  He is the only dude I know who can wear skinny jeans with a Brewers jersey and not have it look completely awkward.

We all know artsy kids just want to be different, they aren't understood, or maybe they choose not to be understood, so they wear skinny jeans, combat boots and when you walk by them on the streets your first thought is Columbine.  Tell me you don't.  You know you can spot the dude wearing mascara from 2 blocks away and the best and safest idea is to take an alternate route because that person already hates the world and you know it.

I know...if I was skinny I would think differently.  NO I F'N wouldn't.

When I was growing up hip hop was about pushing weight, shootin' people, rollin' blizzos, and real motha f'n G's.  Now we got Kanye out on stage in some skinny jeans and a t-shirt with a koala bear on it.  What happened to wearing jeans that were 7 times to big for you and bangin' that FUBU shirt?  What happened to wearing a Kings hat, some Lugz and Hugo Boss jeans that were so big your grandpa said "I could fit in those jeans with you".  That's hip hop to me.  I recently saw a pic of my favorite rapper Jay-Z standing in the middle of NYC in some skinny jeans.  A part of me died.  The moment I saw that picture I thought to myself "Tupac wouldn't be caught dead in skinny jeans and if he saw this picture on TMZ.com he would have been in the studio writing a diss track".

I know...if I was skinny I would think differently.  NO I F'N wouldn't.

There is nobody in the world who I have a bigger problem than the "the overweight emo/artsy dude" in skinny jeans.  Dude, it is a terrible look.  When your thighs are rubbing together you have no right putting skinny jeans on.  The thing is when the overweight, emo dude has skinny jeans on he is usually rockin' a t-shirt that is four times too small as well, causing an exposure of an ass crack that hasn't been washed for 4-5 days because emo people are greasy and refuse to live by clean person code.

I know...if I was skinny I would think differently,  No I F'N wouldn't.

Believe me people, I get it, contrary to what you think I do understand fashion and if I could fit into some 32x32s I would, but they would have some material to work with. My thing has been polos, jeans and boat shoes for years.  That isn't going to change.  Basketball shorts and air maxes, not skinny jeans and a ten speed.  If I rolled over to my parents house for a Sunday dinner in a pair of skinnies my dad would tell me to go back home and try again.

I don't want to you to think I am insensitive and I am a dick for thinking like this, I just don't understand it......UNLESS you have a HUGE penis.  Then I get it.

Hugs and Handpounds,

Czar