This weekend my lovely wife and I had the privelage to attend one of my best friends wedding receptions. It was a glorious two day event that included a beautiful couple, beautiful family and friends, drinking, eating, laughter and Toppers. Being at a wedding and the help from a friend gave me the idea for this blog. When attending a wedding you never know what you are going to get, whether it is corny dance music, a boring crowd, lousy wedding food blah blah blah. The bottom line is the night takes a ton of planning and organization and no matter what someone is going to bitch about something. With that being said when going to a wedding you always have a few individuals who make the wedding 100 times better. Today I am going to to give you my list of 3 people that absolutely no wedding can live without.
1) The dancing whore/slut- this person tends to be a girl who doesn't have a date, but is bound and determined to make people remember her. This girl is usually drinking vodka before the wedding, during appetizers, dinner, dessert, the father/daughter dance and so on. She is also usually the first girl to drop a glass and then tell everyone "I'm soooooooo sorry, that is only my first drink". Once the music switches from the chicken dance to hip hop this girl is usually the one screaming "ohhhhhhhh this my jam", while putting one hand in the air and the other hand is being occupied by a glass of vodka. At some point this chick just decides it is go time, she begins grinding on every dude on the dance floor causing widespread panic amongst people/family watching. Her dress is all over the place, her ass is hanging out and someone has to tell her to knock it off and go have some water. When she wakes up in the morning she looks like a confused mess, feels like a mess, is wondering where her dress and jewelry is and the first words out of her mouth are "I don't remember a thing".
2) Drunk Groomsman- this guy is determined to lead the charge. He wants to make sure everyone is having the time of their lives. He is the guy who demands to drink before entering the church and usually has 2 beers in his hands at all times during the pictures. He refuses to follow any directions including those coming from the priest or the photographer. This guy wants to make sure that he goes hard. At some point during the reception he will have his dress shirt and tie off, but he will be wearing just his vest. His favorite dance move is the fist pump and he is usually groping any girl he can. The best part of this guy is he doesn't want to give up after the reception, he is the one screaming "what bar are we going to". When this guy wakes up in the morning he doesn't ever know where he is, how he got there, but the only thing he needs is a drink. He has one beer to be a tough guy and then he sleeps for the rest of the day.
3) The complainer- this is usually an older lady who just likes to complain because her life is actually miserable. So she gets dressed up in the same clothes that she wears to every wedding, doesn't drink alcohol, sits at a table by herself looking every single person up and down. Her favorite question to ask passer-byers is "how was your dinner, mine was cold and just not good". She comments to every person about certain peoples clothes, they type of music being played and how she can't believe how much kids drink these days. Her husband stays away from her because he actually can't stand her and wants to enjoy himself. At 9:30pm she is ready to go and her husband just says "FINE" because he has done whatever she says for the last 31 years. No need to stop now. Now you may not ever notice her in the crowd, but just remember she is at every wedding.
Other people you always see at a wedding include:
- Old guy with killer dance moves
- The underdressed family
- The dancing 2 year old
- The cryer
Look at the three people I have listed above and tell me you don't know exactly what I am talking about. These people are a staple at a weddings. Think about the last few weddings you have been to and you can pick these people out right away.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
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