You know what I am 32, I now have a wife and 2 stepkids I understand what it is like to be busy. Always on the go, constantly picking up or dropping off, making meals, drinking, watching tv, etc. Busy is a way of life, but you have to learn to multitask. I find it incrediably disrepectful when I text someone or call someone and they don't call or text back. Then they hit you with this excuse "sorry I am sooo busy". Guess what dick, so is the rest of the world, but the difference between you and I is I am respectful and will put myself in danger to return your text. If that means driving with my knees, stopping another face to face conversation, or during a sporting event you are going to get that text back. Don't bigtime me, don't act like you didn't see my text, save the bullshit. I love when people say "dude, I never got your text" then they look through their phone with you standing right in front of them like they are a lost puppy and don't know what possibly could have happened. BULLSHIT. I am on to you, I see right through you. Let me tell you what happened, you got the text, you read the text, and you didn't return the text because you were trying to see what your other friends were doing first. If you text someone and they don't text you back they are trying to make other plans that you weren't invited to. Sometimes I even amaze myself with my knowledge. I am on to everyone, don't try and get anything by me, it CAN'T happen.
When you aren't receiving a text back from someone refer to this blog. You aren't cool enough for that person this weekend. Maybe next weekend when they don't have shit to do.
Just remember when you are out partying and taking pictures this weekend they will always make their way onto Facebook....you will get found out, there will be a picture of you in the background looking at your phone. You are actually probably looking at a text that says "Hey, what's going on tonight"?
You are a bad friend and you should go play Frogger on I-94.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Friday, June 29, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Soda & Food
I will be the first to admit I probably drink too much soda, but I love it, it is a part of me. I actually get a high going through the McDs drive-thru just to order a Diet Coke. I don't tell you what to drink and eat, I am sure some doctor somewhere will tell you that drinking 18 cups of coffee and eating only meat is terrible for you, but if you like it and you are happy then I am all for it. These days it seems like everyone is a doctor(Jay Lorino) and they push facts down your throat. You know what I want pushed down my throat right now(EASY Jay)......I want more f'n soda. I want to bathe is soda, then I want to tell you how good it is while you tell me that it slows down your metabolism by 3%. Guess what....I don't CARE. I am married now and whether I become more obese than I already am she said "I do" through thick and thin(literally). She is stuck with me and that's that. People who are constantly telling you how to live your life just need to live theirs. I applaud most people who eat Burger King everyday. Guess what....they are happy as shit as they take in their 4000 calorie meal, while you sit at home and complain about the salad you are eating. Then you leave the dinner table and complain more about still being hungry. Sure, there is a good way to eat and a bad way to eat, my take is you just have to be happy. Maybe get a little of both. I love when people make it a point to tell me they havent had a soda since 2007. Guess what.....you suck and so does your life. Everyone needs a f'n Coca Cola classic in their life. The carbination burn is like heroin to me. I have never done heroin so dont think that.
My goal from this blog is to let you know that at some point you are going to die, whether you have a 6 pack or a keg, fat or skinny you are still going to die. Be happy and don't let other people tell you how to live.
I love when people say "OMG you drank on a Monday night"
"Ummmmmmmmmmm yes I did and I loved it, I had waaaaay more fun than you".
I am not here to make you happy, I am here to make my wife, and stepdaughters happy. Live your life and I will live mine.
Jay Lorino contrary to what you think this was not written about you, I mean you were the main influence, but this is for all the health experts and doctors out there who work in a cubicle.
Hug and Handpounds,
Czar
My goal from this blog is to let you know that at some point you are going to die, whether you have a 6 pack or a keg, fat or skinny you are still going to die. Be happy and don't let other people tell you how to live.
I love when people say "OMG you drank on a Monday night"
"Ummmmmmmmmmm yes I did and I loved it, I had waaaaay more fun than you".
I am not here to make you happy, I am here to make my wife, and stepdaughters happy. Live your life and I will live mine.
Jay Lorino contrary to what you think this was not written about you, I mean you were the main influence, but this is for all the health experts and doctors out there who work in a cubicle.
Hug and Handpounds,
Czar
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Facebook Status'
I know, I know I am the king of Facebook status'. In return I hope to give you a little chuckle while you think about killing yourself at work. The problem with the world isn't Obama or that George W. Bush and Osama Bin Laden got together and planned the terrorist attacks on 9/11. The problem with the world is that everyone has lost their sense of humor and nothing can even make you crack a smile anymore. I laugh all day, I am happy all day.......UNTIL.......
Top 3 Facebook Status' that piss me off.
1) You tell me that you are working out. What are you looking for from me? Do you want me to run over to Cardinal Fitness and tell you congrats? I just don't get it, the most in-shape people I know don't tell the world they are going to workout. I am not going to "like" your status, I am actually going to laugh at you because you want people to tell you "good job". Not ME. I am obese, it is my job to first become just fat, overweight, thick, portly, skinny. I am not going to get motivated by telling my friends I am working out. I am going to get motivated knowing that if I workout it won't be that bad if I have a double whopper with cheese, fries, and a soda.
2) The newborn baby questions....OMFG! Have you ever heard of Google? Or maybe just simply asking your mom, sister, aunt, friends, blah blah blah. Does anyone have a recommendation for a baby whose teeth are coming in? Yes, my recommendation is you STFU and read a book about it. I can only take one more post about diaper rash before I throw my computer off my desk. How do you think your mom and her mom managed without Facebook. I will tell you how, they took a old t-shirt and wrapped it around their kid for a diaper, then when their kid shit in that thing, they washed it with their hands and put it back on. Teething- give the kid a shot of bourban and call it a day. I am not on Facebook to tell you that if you wash your kids hair everyday with shampoo and conditioner you may not be allowing the natural oils to settle. I am on Facebook to make you laugh and cause some controversy. I probably would like your kid, but chances are I will never meet him and I don't care about his teeth, or their dry scalp or the fact that you can't drop your baby weight.
3) Bitching about your significant other via Facebook status. Nothing makes you look more crazy than doing this. By the time I am done reading your status, not only do I want to delete you, I first want to tell you that you are CRAZY. Maybe your ass is the reason he is doing all this stuff. Maybe you have pushed him to the edge, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Always quick to point out that "he don't pay child support, he doesn't see his kid".....the reason is because he probably doesn't want to come within 1000 feet of YOUR stank ass. One thing after another has driven him/her to the brink of losing it. If you are posting things that are "NEGATIVE" about your relationship than I suggest not posting them at all. Everyone is talking, texting, emailing behind your back laughing about how crazy you are. Believe me people talk about you, I will admit I talk about you, probably not to your face, but behind your back.
I hope this pisses a lot of people off, but then they realize that I am just doing it for their own good. Bottom line is people, I don't care to see pics of your food or hear about how much you hate your job. Negative people need to stay away from people like me. I want to laugh, smile, drink and be sarcastic. My friends get me, my wife gets me and that's all that matters. Cheers to pissed off people.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Top 3 Facebook Status' that piss me off.
1) You tell me that you are working out. What are you looking for from me? Do you want me to run over to Cardinal Fitness and tell you congrats? I just don't get it, the most in-shape people I know don't tell the world they are going to workout. I am not going to "like" your status, I am actually going to laugh at you because you want people to tell you "good job". Not ME. I am obese, it is my job to first become just fat, overweight, thick, portly, skinny. I am not going to get motivated by telling my friends I am working out. I am going to get motivated knowing that if I workout it won't be that bad if I have a double whopper with cheese, fries, and a soda.
2) The newborn baby questions....OMFG! Have you ever heard of Google? Or maybe just simply asking your mom, sister, aunt, friends, blah blah blah. Does anyone have a recommendation for a baby whose teeth are coming in? Yes, my recommendation is you STFU and read a book about it. I can only take one more post about diaper rash before I throw my computer off my desk. How do you think your mom and her mom managed without Facebook. I will tell you how, they took a old t-shirt and wrapped it around their kid for a diaper, then when their kid shit in that thing, they washed it with their hands and put it back on. Teething- give the kid a shot of bourban and call it a day. I am not on Facebook to tell you that if you wash your kids hair everyday with shampoo and conditioner you may not be allowing the natural oils to settle. I am on Facebook to make you laugh and cause some controversy. I probably would like your kid, but chances are I will never meet him and I don't care about his teeth, or their dry scalp or the fact that you can't drop your baby weight.
3) Bitching about your significant other via Facebook status. Nothing makes you look more crazy than doing this. By the time I am done reading your status, not only do I want to delete you, I first want to tell you that you are CRAZY. Maybe your ass is the reason he is doing all this stuff. Maybe you have pushed him to the edge, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Always quick to point out that "he don't pay child support, he doesn't see his kid".....the reason is because he probably doesn't want to come within 1000 feet of YOUR stank ass. One thing after another has driven him/her to the brink of losing it. If you are posting things that are "NEGATIVE" about your relationship than I suggest not posting them at all. Everyone is talking, texting, emailing behind your back laughing about how crazy you are. Believe me people talk about you, I will admit I talk about you, probably not to your face, but behind your back.
I hope this pisses a lot of people off, but then they realize that I am just doing it for their own good. Bottom line is people, I don't care to see pics of your food or hear about how much you hate your job. Negative people need to stay away from people like me. I want to laugh, smile, drink and be sarcastic. My friends get me, my wife gets me and that's all that matters. Cheers to pissed off people.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Friday, June 22, 2012
Skinny Jeans on Dudes.
Well Well Well, it has been a damn long time since I have talked to my 49 followers so I figure I should drop some poop on your doorstep.
Over the past few years I have noticed dudes wearing skinny jeans and this trend has been becoming more amd more the norm. Someone please try to help me understand WHY? I seriously do NOT understand it. As a male you are suppose to want to feel manly, grabbing your nuts, let people know who you are, the people you roll with, let people know not to f*&^ with you. Before I rant even more, believe me, I know my fat ass ain't getting in a pair of skinny jeans, this is not why I ask my question. I ask this question because whether you are emo, artsy, skater, hip-hop or all of those put together I think you look stupid. There is one dude I know who an wear skinny jeans and that is Erik Magyar and the only reason is because I like him. He is the only dude I know who can wear skinny jeans with a Brewers jersey and not have it look completely awkward.
We all know artsy kids just want to be different, they aren't understood, or maybe they choose not to be understood, so they wear skinny jeans, combat boots and when you walk by them on the streets your first thought is Columbine. Tell me you don't. You know you can spot the dude wearing mascara from 2 blocks away and the best and safest idea is to take an alternate route because that person already hates the world and you know it.
I know...if I was skinny I would think differently. NO I F'N wouldn't.
When I was growing up hip hop was about pushing weight, shootin' people, rollin' blizzos, and real motha f'n G's. Now we got Kanye out on stage in some skinny jeans and a t-shirt with a koala bear on it. What happened to wearing jeans that were 7 times to big for you and bangin' that FUBU shirt? What happened to wearing a Kings hat, some Lugz and Hugo Boss jeans that were so big your grandpa said "I could fit in those jeans with you". That's hip hop to me. I recently saw a pic of my favorite rapper Jay-Z standing in the middle of NYC in some skinny jeans. A part of me died. The moment I saw that picture I thought to myself "Tupac wouldn't be caught dead in skinny jeans and if he saw this picture on TMZ.com he would have been in the studio writing a diss track".
I know...if I was skinny I would think differently. NO I F'N wouldn't.
There is nobody in the world who I have a bigger problem than the "the overweight emo/artsy dude" in skinny jeans. Dude, it is a terrible look. When your thighs are rubbing together you have no right putting skinny jeans on. The thing is when the overweight, emo dude has skinny jeans on he is usually rockin' a t-shirt that is four times too small as well, causing an exposure of an ass crack that hasn't been washed for 4-5 days because emo people are greasy and refuse to live by clean person code.
I know...if I was skinny I would think differently, No I F'N wouldn't.
Believe me people, I get it, contrary to what you think I do understand fashion and if I could fit into some 32x32s I would, but they would have some material to work with. My thing has been polos, jeans and boat shoes for years. That isn't going to change. Basketball shorts and air maxes, not skinny jeans and a ten speed. If I rolled over to my parents house for a Sunday dinner in a pair of skinnies my dad would tell me to go back home and try again.
I don't want to you to think I am insensitive and I am a dick for thinking like this, I just don't understand it......UNLESS you have a HUGE penis. Then I get it.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
Over the past few years I have noticed dudes wearing skinny jeans and this trend has been becoming more amd more the norm. Someone please try to help me understand WHY? I seriously do NOT understand it. As a male you are suppose to want to feel manly, grabbing your nuts, let people know who you are, the people you roll with, let people know not to f*&^ with you. Before I rant even more, believe me, I know my fat ass ain't getting in a pair of skinny jeans, this is not why I ask my question. I ask this question because whether you are emo, artsy, skater, hip-hop or all of those put together I think you look stupid. There is one dude I know who an wear skinny jeans and that is Erik Magyar and the only reason is because I like him. He is the only dude I know who can wear skinny jeans with a Brewers jersey and not have it look completely awkward.
We all know artsy kids just want to be different, they aren't understood, or maybe they choose not to be understood, so they wear skinny jeans, combat boots and when you walk by them on the streets your first thought is Columbine. Tell me you don't. You know you can spot the dude wearing mascara from 2 blocks away and the best and safest idea is to take an alternate route because that person already hates the world and you know it.
I know...if I was skinny I would think differently. NO I F'N wouldn't.
When I was growing up hip hop was about pushing weight, shootin' people, rollin' blizzos, and real motha f'n G's. Now we got Kanye out on stage in some skinny jeans and a t-shirt with a koala bear on it. What happened to wearing jeans that were 7 times to big for you and bangin' that FUBU shirt? What happened to wearing a Kings hat, some Lugz and Hugo Boss jeans that were so big your grandpa said "I could fit in those jeans with you". That's hip hop to me. I recently saw a pic of my favorite rapper Jay-Z standing in the middle of NYC in some skinny jeans. A part of me died. The moment I saw that picture I thought to myself "Tupac wouldn't be caught dead in skinny jeans and if he saw this picture on TMZ.com he would have been in the studio writing a diss track".
I know...if I was skinny I would think differently. NO I F'N wouldn't.
There is nobody in the world who I have a bigger problem than the "the overweight emo/artsy dude" in skinny jeans. Dude, it is a terrible look. When your thighs are rubbing together you have no right putting skinny jeans on. The thing is when the overweight, emo dude has skinny jeans on he is usually rockin' a t-shirt that is four times too small as well, causing an exposure of an ass crack that hasn't been washed for 4-5 days because emo people are greasy and refuse to live by clean person code.
I know...if I was skinny I would think differently, No I F'N wouldn't.
Believe me people, I get it, contrary to what you think I do understand fashion and if I could fit into some 32x32s I would, but they would have some material to work with. My thing has been polos, jeans and boat shoes for years. That isn't going to change. Basketball shorts and air maxes, not skinny jeans and a ten speed. If I rolled over to my parents house for a Sunday dinner in a pair of skinnies my dad would tell me to go back home and try again.
I don't want to you to think I am insensitive and I am a dick for thinking like this, I just don't understand it......UNLESS you have a HUGE penis. Then I get it.
Hugs and Handpounds,
Czar
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