Facebook Status'

I know, I know I am the king of Facebook status'.  In return I hope to give you a little chuckle while you think about killing yourself at work.  The problem with the world isn't Obama or that George W. Bush and Osama Bin Laden got together and planned the terrorist attacks on 9/11.  The problem with the world is that everyone has lost their sense of humor and nothing can even make you crack a smile anymore.  I laugh all day, I am happy all day.......UNTIL.......

Top 3 Facebook Status' that piss me off.

1) You tell me that you are working out.  What are you looking for from me?  Do you want me to run over to Cardinal Fitness and tell you congrats?  I just don't get it, the most in-shape people I know don't tell the world they are going to workout.  I am not going to "like" your status, I am actually going to laugh at you because you want people to tell you "good job".  Not ME.  I am obese, it is my job to first become just fat, overweight, thick, portly, skinny.  I am not going to get motivated by telling my friends I am working out.   I am going to get motivated knowing that if I workout it won't be that bad if I have a double whopper with cheese, fries, and a soda.

2) The newborn baby questions....OMFG! Have you ever heard of Google? Or maybe just simply asking your mom, sister, aunt, friends, blah blah blah.  Does anyone have a recommendation for a baby whose teeth are coming in?  Yes, my recommendation is you STFU and read a book about it.  I can only take one more post about diaper rash before I throw my computer off my desk.  How do you think your mom and her mom managed without Facebook.  I will tell you how, they took a old t-shirt and wrapped it around their kid for a diaper, then when their kid shit in that thing, they washed it with their hands and put it back on.  Teething- give the kid a shot of bourban and call it a day.  I am not on Facebook to tell you that if you wash your kids hair everyday with shampoo and conditioner you may not be allowing the natural oils to settle.  I am on Facebook to make you laugh and cause some controversy.  I probably would like your kid, but chances are I will never meet him and I don't care about his teeth, or their dry scalp or the fact that you can't drop your baby weight.

3) Bitching about your significant other via Facebook status.  Nothing makes you look more crazy than doing this.  By the time I am done reading your status, not only do I want to delete you, I first want to tell you that you are CRAZY.  Maybe your ass is the reason he is doing all this stuff.  Maybe you have pushed him to the edge, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.  Always quick to point out that "he don't pay child support, he doesn't see his kid".....the reason is because he probably doesn't want to come within 1000 feet of YOUR stank ass.  One thing after another has driven him/her to the brink of losing it.  If you are posting things that are "NEGATIVE" about your relationship than I suggest not posting them at all.  Everyone is talking, texting, emailing behind your back laughing about how crazy you are.  Believe me people talk about you, I will admit I talk about you, probably not to your face, but behind your back. 

I hope this pisses a lot of people off, but then they realize that I am just doing it for their own good.  Bottom line is people, I don't care to see pics of your food or hear about how much you hate your job.  Negative people need to stay away from people like me.  I want to laugh, smile, drink and be sarcastic.  My friends get me, my wife gets me and that's all that matters.  Cheers to pissed off people.

Hugs and Handpounds,

Czar