Tips to People Who Spend Their Lives in a Cubicle.

Few things really get me excited anymore, but there are some things.....When Lillian scores a goal in her soccer game, when Brittany asks me if I heard a new rap song, when Jess tells me she is excited to go out for a drink, Christmas day NBA games on TV so I don't have to socialize with family members who are going to ask me the same questions....just to name a few.  Nothing makes me feel better than when you catch your co-worker in their cube sneaking a peak on a website that isn't their actual work.  I have Facebook on one of my 6 tabs all day long and I talk to the same people on it for hours per day.  My morning conversation is with Jay Lorino about the workout at the gym, Steve Kohl is going to tell me about how he hates winter and wonders why he still lives in Wisconsin, Jared Dwyer and I just talk about random things that help us get through the day.  Whatever it is if you work in a cube 9-10 hours per day 5 days per week you are going to have time to waste.  No one in the cube world works all 40 hours per week.  The thing is if you think no one saw you on a that website you are mistaking.  You cannot click off fast enough when people are walking by, someone always sees you.  I am professional, let me give you 3 tips on becoming a professional web surfer in your cube.

1) Learn the noises of your office, the creaks of peoples chairs, the tone of their voice, the sound of their cough,  You can always be one step ahead of that co-worker who is going to bring up the fact that he/she saw you on the internet at a company happy hour.  People will do anything to try and make themselves look superior.    When that is brought up in front of your co-workers...OWN IT.  Don't ever say "No I wasn't".  Everyone who works in a cube is on the internet all day long.


2) Always have an excuse ready for the boss.  If you are on the internet and get caught by your boss be prepared to give a quick excuse.  Example- if I am diving deep into research for my fantasy basketball team on ESPN.com and the boss walks by and says "Justin why are you on ESPN.com during the work day"?  I would be prepared to say "just checking to see what time World Series Game 1 is on tonight".  Then I would follow that up with a question like "who are you rooting for".  I need to quickly get his mind off the fact that I wasn't doing actual work.


3) Try to become friends with all your other cubemates.  OWN THEM.  Tell them why you don't care if you get caught on the internet.  Make them understand the process, make them realize that in order to drag yourself into this cube everyday you need a little "you time".  By doing this they will get the same feeling and after 2 months of being in the same cube you don't even have to think about clicking off.  They just understand.  Soon they will be asking you if you saw this or that on some website.  That is when you have them right where you want them.


Anyone who works in a cube/office setting knows about clicking off when they feel the presence of another co-worker or boss.  The thing our bosses don't realize is that we do 10 honest hours of work per week leaving us with 30 hours to not be bored out of our minds. They think we are all busy as shit all day, everyday.   What the hell are you suppose to do?  OVER ACHIEVE? Pssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhh......remember you are not a heart surgeon and you aren't going to change the world.  Just imagine doing this for the next 25 years of your life.


Hugs and Handpounds,

Czar